


All I've Got

by oscillator



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 18:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/814622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscillator/pseuds/oscillator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been six months since Hope left Kelley to get married. In New York City she finds herself halfheartedly in a new relationship but when Hope comes back from injury things go from good to bad. And when someone Kelley hold's dearly reveals their true feelings, things go from bad to worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shock to Your System

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, any feedback is appreciated!

"Kelley."

She knows she should respond but that’s just too difficult.

"Kelley. Wake up."

She feels the hand on her arm trying to wake her up but her eyes feel too good closed with her arms wrapped around her squirrel.

"Kelley. Get your ass up. Now." She can hear the annoyance in Jill's voice.

"Ughhh fineee. I’m up."

Any onlookers would never guess by the sloth like motions that this group of twenty women were professional soccer players as they slowly attempted to grab their bags off the baggage claim belt. But indeed they were. In fact they were the best team in the league currently. And although Kelley's glad the team came out of this weekend with all six points she can't help but replay every bad touch on the ball she's had lately. She knows things will work itself out eventually, especially with how hard she's been working, but it would be nice if this slump of hers could be over. It also didn't help to be on Hope's side of the world, on her team's pitch. But she knows she needs to let those thoughts evaporate from her mind. For now all she cares about is falling deep into her bed.

"Hey look who's here." Lisa's nudge gets her out of her head and she looks up and sees him. "He's even got flowers. Jeez Kelley why do you get to have a guy like him?"

Danny has a bouquet of yellow tulips in his hands, her favorite. She smiles and he brings her into his arms. Without a doubt, he's the kind of guy you bring home to your parents. His deep, soulful brown eyes, his latin charm along with his Georgetown degree- he's amazing and he only has eyes for her. What else could she want? At least, that's what she tells herself while she pushes the thoughts of a certain goalkeeper's arms around her instead. "Hey Kel. I missed you." He brings her in for a kiss and she smiles as they turn to walk out the airport, her hands entangled in his.

They're driving back to her Brooklyn apartment crossing over the Verrazano Bridge as the sun is rising over Manhattan. It's not San Francisco, but she sure could get used to this city. Danny moves his hand from the steering wheel and on top of hers and looks over. She sees the adoration he has for her in his eyes and she can't help but smile back at him. He wasn't Hope, but Hope decided to share moments like this with someone else and she had to accept that. He wanted her and her only and in that moment she decided that was just going to be enough. She respected him enough and honestly, she cared for him enough to finally start putting more of herself into this relationship.

They finally get to her building and they schlop all her things up the stairs up to her floor and into her apartment. The sun is finally out in full form and Danny closes the shades to her windows before slipping inside her bed alongside her. His arms are around her and she feels him inhale her in and as they fall closer and closer to sleep. But suddenly she's wide awake.

"I love you," he says again into the back of her neck. She heard him clear the first time. He loosens his grip on her arms as he feels the tension run up her spine. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to..." But she lays there still as her mind goes straight to Hope and that time six months ago when she last said those words in her final attempt to salvage what they had. "Hope, I love you. Please stay," she cries as she sees the exasperated look in Hope's vivid eyes. She lifts her hands over her head, "I can't. Kelley. I'm marrying him. I'm sorry." She walks out of the hotel room and leaves Kelley, for good.

"Kelley? Are you okay?" Danny asks as she's brought back to the present with his voice. He turns her over and looks at her with those brown eyes. "I shouldn't have said that so soon, I know it's only been a few months but I really care about you. I'm not going to take it back."

That's when she notices the tears coming from her eyes. "I'm sorry,” her voice cracks. " I, I should have told you earlier. Fuck." She storms out of the room into the kitchen and grabs a glass of water. Why did she just say that to him? Why did she just leave? She blames it on the travel and lack of sleep and tries to think of how to recover from this as she hears his footsteps creak into the kitchen.

"Do you want to explain what the hell that was?"

She might as well be honest with him. About something.

"I'm in love with someone else." That was more direct than she wanted it to be but,

"What?" He looks at her like she just stabbed him. "I don't understand. Have you been cheating on me?"

She doesn't know how to answer that and to him that clearly means that she has and he reacts strongly. "How long has this been going on?"

"No. I.” She clears her throat. “When we met I was still trying to get over someone else. I thought I could get over it and be with you but apparently I can't. I didn't mean for all of this to happen you have to believe me."

"Where you ever going to tell me?"

"It all hurt so much. When Hope left me I thought--"

"Wait, Hope? As in Hope Solo? Your teammate Hope fucking Solo?"

"Yes I--"

"Doesn't she play for Seattle? Wasn’t she in Europe last month when you played Germany? Were you fucking her while I was here?"

"No, she's injured so she wasn't there--"

"So if she was there you would have?"

...

"Well?"

Kelley can't answer him because honestly she doesn't know what she would do if she were stuck in a hotel with Hope again.

"Wow, I can't fucking believe this." He turns and storms back into her room and hears him yell, "And to think people told me I had found a good one." He's back in the kitchen buttoning up his shirt and fixing his pants as she realizes what's happening. Not him too.

"Please don't leave, Dan. Let me explain. I don’t want to lose you too."

Tears are falling down her face again watching him grab his bag, ready to leave her, possibly for good.

"You need to figure your shit out," he says as he opens the door to walk out. Turning back to her he looks her in the eyes and she sees his throat clench. "I love you. I still don't take that back. But I can't do this right now. I need time to think."

The door closes and she's alone in her kitchen. Alone she finally lets her tears take over and walks back to her bed and sobs herself to sleep.

\----

“HEADS UP!”

After nearly two decades playing this beautiful game Kelley instinctively knows to put her hands over her head the moment she hears Brittany scream from the goal. They’re taking a small break in between drills so naturally Britt chose to practice her punts toward midfield at this time. Kelley laughs with her team as one of the rookies gets pelted by the keeper’s ball. This is exactly what she needed- a few days of physical exercise and some heartfelt laughs with a great group of women. She knows both Christie and Jill can tell her laughs are more forced than they usually are but they pretend not to notice.

Although she’s had her suspicions, she’s fairly sure none of the girls on the national team know about her dalliance with Hope. Well, besides Tobin and Alex, and that’s only because they caught her and the keeper in a compromising position a few games into their victory tour. Alex and Tobin however are time zones away in opposite directions and she doesn’t have it in her yet to tell them everything. Besides, she’ll see them in less than two weeks and a part of her hopes that by then she’ll have some part of this mess sorted out.

As practice comes to an end and they’re all cooling down Jill asks if she wants to go watch The Great Gatsby with her in an hour and she happily says yes. They aren’t the closest but they’re friends and really, anyone who watches Glee is a good friend of Kelley in her book. It also doesn’t hurt that she’s a Jersey girl and always knows where the nearest Dunkin Donuts is and how to pronounce all the weird town names so Kelley doesn’t seem like a complete idiot.

Jill offers to pay for the tickets as long as Kelley pays for the drinks and snacks and through the movie she can’t help but draw parallels between Gatsby and herself. How they’re both in love with a married woman who supposedly cares for them but chooses to be married to an asshole instead. At least she hasn’t been wrongfully shot dead in a pool, so she figures she’s better off than Gatsby after all and just tries to focus on the ritz and glamour of the film. As they walk out of the movie throwing their empty sweet wrappers into the trash calling each other “old sport” any chance they can and laughing ridiculously, Kelley realizes her laughs this time are actually genuine and makes a mental note to hang out with this keeper more often. “So I know we just ate our weight in sugar, but there’s a really great diner not too far from here if you want to continue chilling, old sport.”

“Why of course, old sport!”

While they wait for their food (they both got waffles because as Jill pointed out getting anything other than breakfast food at a diner is just wrong) she’s realizing she’s running out of things to say that don’t involve her love life. It’s like Jill can read her mind when she says, “I know it’s not really any of my business but since we got back from the west coast you’ve been weird. And not in your normal weird Kelley way. Are you okay?”

Kelley is torn between wanting to spill everything because she can’t handle the silence much longer and wanting to keep her friendship with Jill light and easy. So she tries to compromise. “Well yeah things aren’t exactly going great. Danny and I got into a fight when we got back from Seattle. He hasn’t talked to me since.”

“I’m sorry Kel. It’s been almost a week since we got back, is it really that bad?” Jill says it harsher than she meant and looks at Kelley with apologetic eyes. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t know. He said he needed space so I’m hoping he’ll contact me soon so we can straighten everything out.”

“Are you happy with him?” Jill asks. Kelley takes a moment to think about it as she sips her latte.

“If I don’t think about it too much, yes.” She pauses again wondering if she should give Jill a bit more. “But there’s a lot going on outside of our relationship. And I don’t know if it’s fair to bring him into it.” That’s as far as she’s willing to give and she prays Jill won’t push for more.

“Well whatever it is he’s an adult. If you trust him enough to tell him he can decide if he can handle it or not. And if he can’t well, at least you put yourself out there and you have twenty fierce ladies ready to beat him up if you want us to.” Jill smiles at her and they just sit there in silence finishing their coffee until the food comes.

As they get ready to leave and go separate ways Jill brings Kelley into her arms and whispers that she’s there for her whenever she needs a friend. Jill’s broad arms around her remind her of Hope’s and she squeezes Jill a little bit harder saying everything she hasn’t been able to into this hug.

“Thank you, Jill. I really needed this today.”

“Any time, old sport.”

\---

When she gets back to Brooklyn she remembers she hasn’t turned her phone back on since the movie and catches up on her twitter and instagram feeds when she notices his email.

She opens her apartment to see her roommates on the couch watching something on Netflix drinking wine. They were roommates at Stanford together so after they heard the fight she and Danny had earlier this week they knew to let Kelley be. When she was ready she’d be back to her normal self. She sits with them attempting to be normal and trying to forget about that unread email. That lasts about ten minutes and she excuses herself to her room and opens up her macbook.

> Hey Kelley,
> 
> First off, I’m sorry. For everything you’ve been feeling lately - whether I’ve been a part of it or not. I should have known something was going on earlier. I’m not mad at you. I’m just hurt. But most of all I want you to be happy. I want in the very least to be a friend to you through all of this. Can we meet up this weekend?
> 
> I don’t want to lose you either.
> 
> Daniel  
>   
> 

She rereads his email a few more times, more out of disbelief than anything. Not that she thought he’d be the type to break up with her via email, but a part of her expected that the next time he reached out to her things would definitely be over.

She texts him that she’s free Saturday afternoon if he wants to talk then. He texts back asking her to meet him at a coffee shop near his apartment on the lower east side at 3pm. She thinks back to what Jill says. If Dan is the kind of guy she thinks he is maybe being honest with him about everything won’t be so bad.

\---  
Kelley hasn’t quite mastered the subway yet so even though she gave herself a little extra time by the time she realized she was going towards Coney Island instead of the city on the F train she was going to be lucky if she made it on time. She warns Dan of her stupidity and when she finally shows up to the cafe just off of Houston only 15 minutes late she sees Danny in the corner reading a magazine.

“Hey,” She says in the most normal voice she can muster.

“Hi.” He smiles and stands and pulls her in for a hug, kissing her on the cheek.

They both sit and she orders an espresso, if she’s going to do this she’s going to want to do it as fast as possible.

“So you really want to do this here? In public?” She asks warily.

“Is that a problem? This is New York Kel, no one cares about what we’re saying.” She forgets sometimes what a New Yorker he is, such a jerk. She ignores what he said and takes a sip of her espresso.

“I don’t mean to be an asshole,” he says like he can read her mind, “but we’re fine here. Really. I don’t want to push you but I really do want to listen to whatever you have to say to me.”

Kelley takes another sip finishing her drink. “Okay well I guess I should start from the beginning.”

“Okay. Hit me.”


	2. She Moves in Her Own Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being a lot longer than I intended so I broke it up into two parts. Hope you enjoy!

Rookies are always intimidated the first time they get invited to camp with the senior side. Most of the vets are nice and welcoming, especially the younger kids who have a couple caps under their belts. Others like Hope keep to themselves watching and observing. Hope only really tries to be friendly with the rookies if they’re keepers or defenders. But even then she makes sure to keep a mile wide line between them and her. She’ll notice the others every now and then but really every camp Pia has different kids so there’s no point in really even bothering to get to know them.

It’s about seven months until the world cup when she’s noticed the tiny freckled girl a lot more times than she’d like to admit. It’s fitness test time and the field players are hauling ass trying to impress the coaching staff. Kelley O’Hara manages to break the record for the beep test forcing all the women to step their game up. Everyone is congratulating the kid on her achievement and before she even realizes she’s leaning down to where Kelley’s sitting talking to HAO and puts her hand on her shoulder. “You killed it out there, great job.”

Kelley and her freckled face flash a bright, damn near perfect smile directly at Hope and says thanks with a bravado that only a person in their early twenties could pull off so well. She walks away smirking to herself wondering if that smile she got was just endorphins or maybe something more.

Camps come and go, the two of them exchange few words until the final roster is called and Kelley isn’t on it. Hope doesn’t necessarily disagree with the coaching staff’s decision but for some reason she feels bad about it and after seeing Kelley’s heartbroken face late she finds herself again doing things without realizing it. “Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance soon. And you’ll be better off because of this. Keep your pretty head up.” She gives Kelley another pat on the back and kind of brings her into an awkward hug that she really wish she hadn’t done. It’s not like she’s going to be seeing her any time soon after today anyways.

Tarpley gets injured and Kelley gets called up to replace her.

\---

Kelley’s sad for Lindsay. She really is. But it’s hard to show anything other than pure joy after being called up to go to Germany. She knows she’s a bench player and she’ll be lucky to get even five minutes on the pitch but she’s only 22 and she knows that if she keeps working hard that maybe by the time the Olympics come around next summer she’ll constantly be getting minutes. Especially after Hope out of nowhere came up to her telling her to keep her head up. Her _pretty_ head up. She’s not sure if it was the fact that it was _the_ Hope Solo who was the one said that to her that made her stomach do several somersaults or if it’s something else but all she really cares about is that she’s going to the World Cup.

With all the energy she naturally has along with the amazing environment in Germany, it’s easy for her to perform her job as a bench player cheering her teammates on even though she’s not used to it. At the end of each game she always makes sure to tell Hope how great she played, for reasons she’s not actually sure about but doesn’t question. The Brazil quarterfinal comes and it is without a doubt the most emotional game she has ever been a been a part of. Hope plays like an actual superhero and after Ali puts the final penalty past the Brazilian keeper pure ecstasy takes over her body, and before she even realizes it she’s pressed against Hope’s body giving this amazing woman the most ridiculous hug of her life. Her and all her teammates, obviously. They came back from Germany heartbroken, which she felt hard inside her months later. The one image she could just never get out of her mind late at night was Hope crying.

Months pass and Olympic qualifiers are here. They’ve all been training hard and they don’t want a repeat of last year’s qualifying so the team goes out hard to win. She’s still not seeing any real game time but that changes when Ali gets hurt and the backline, well the entire team really, has to figure out how to get to the Olympics without her. The next practice they’re playing a full field scrimmage when Pia notices Kelley speeding down the left flank after losing the ball near the 18 and catching up with Cheney on the other side of the pitch and nails her sliding tackle perfectly to win back the ball. After dinner Pia tells her about this experiment she wants to try: Kelley O’Hara, award winning, record breaking Stanford forward at defense. Pia’s blunt about how it’s do or die for Kelley. The team needs defenders, not forwards or midfielders and if she wants to be on the field this is going to have to be her path. Kelley’s never been the kind of person to step down from a challenge, as a forward she’s always fed off of that. She’s determined to take this challenge head on put herself completely into this.

\---

Maybe Kelley’s trying a little too hard. She’s overzealous with lots of her tackles and ends up out of position so many times Hope and Christie’s yells are starting to haunt her dreams. She’s frustrated and no matter how hard she tries to not show it she knows the team can see it. At least they’re still several months still until the final roster is set. She decides to take her lunch outside of the hotel so she can have some peace and quiet when she feels a tap on her shoulder and turns up to see Hope. “Mind if I join?”

She moves her stuff from the seat next to her, strangely feeling intimidated of Hope for the first time. It doesn’t help that Hope is looking directly at her as she sits down. “You know, I was a forward once too. I’ve been there.” Kelley just takes another bite from her food unsure if she should respond. “It’s frustrating because you have to learn how to do things differently, but you have some of the best defenders in the world to advise you as you figure it all out.” “And I have you there too yelling at me whenever I mess up.” She meant for that to be more of a joke but it reeks of snarkiness instead. Hope purses her lips,“You know, it comes from a good place. I wouldn’t bother with you if I thought you couldn’t be a great defender.” Hope’s phone rings and she excuses herself and walks away.

\---

Hope’s glad her phone rang honestly, she doesn’t know why she sat down when she saw Kelley sitting there alone eating. She doesn’t understand Kelley in general. Most of all she doesn’t get why she she cares. Kelley is everything she usually hates in a person. She’s basically an idiotic five year old who somehow managed to get a Stanford degree. She shouldn’t find her dorky laugh so endearing or her antics this amusing. After all look at who she has for a best friend. Carli’s like a 3 on the exciting scale, just how Hope likes it. That’s why they get along. She knows Hope’s boundaries and rarely pushes them. Kelley’s a 10, no, a 12. Boundaries mean absolutely nothing to her judging by the way she acts around Mittsy and the other fools on the team. Of course they’ve gotten to be good friends. They’re both idiots. Cute little idiots.

\---

“So Hope came up to me earlier today.” Kelley’s telling Alex, her roommate this camp. “She yell at you some more?”

“Actually she said that the reason she yells at me is because she thinks I can be good at this,” Kelley beams, while flipping through channels trying to find something to watch. “Really?” She looks up from her magazine. “Hope Solo saying encouraging things to you? Huh.”

“I know right? It’s weird. I think she wants to be my friend or something.”

“You think everyone wants to be your friend.” Alex sasses back at her. Kelley places her hands on her hips and cocks her head. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to be friends with me. I’m awesome.” Alex throws a pillow at her. “No dummy, I mean Hope doesn’t exactly well, you know, have friends on the team. Besides like Carli and some of the other veterans. She doesn’t like us mere mortals.”

Maybe she’s right. But what Hope told her that afternoon clearly did the trick as with each practice that followed her confidence as a defender was growing and she was getting better and better.

\---

“You mind if I sit here? Alex and Tobin are both snoring in front of me and I can’t focus on my book.” They’re on the bus on the way to the coast of Portugal where they’ll be playing at the Algarve. Hope moves over as she closes her newspaper and notices the book in Kelley’s hand. The cover is of an older photograph of a woman smiling with her eyes closed and in big letters on the bottom it says “Carmelo” by Sandra Cis-something. “That seems like a serious book there Stanford. I pegged you as more of the Hunger Games/Twilight type.”

“Hey those are good books! Christen recommended this to me actually. She’s been trying to reconnect with her roots. It’s really good so far, you could borrow it if you want after I’m done.”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s about a girl living in the barrios of Chicago and her relationship with her family in Mexico. It’s interesting, you never really think about what it must be like having family so close and yet so far away. What it means to be Mexican and the racial and cultural relations that come with it. It’s a lot of food for thought.”

“Interesting. Maybe you’re worthy of being called Stanford after all huh?” Hope smirks at Kelley. “You know it. I didn’t just get by on my looks and charm.” She knocks on her temple, “There’s actually a brain in there.” Hope laughs and they continue talking and laughing the entire five hour ride south, even getting shushed a few times by some of the players. Before they know it they’re at the hotel and Paul’s screaming out the room assignments. They’re both still snickering in the back when she hears “O’Hara and Solo room 1010.” She looks over and Hope smiles at her as they head up to the tenth floor. She’s actually kind of surprised at the rooming assignment. They’ve been consistently putting her with defenders in hopes that their way of life will seep into her subconscious some more. She figured they’d continue that. She’s a little nervous honestly, but knows from Tobin that Hope is a good roommate. After this bus ride she’s sure they’ll get along fine.

Their time in Portugal flies and Kelley starts a few games and even ends up playing the full 90 during the last one. They lost to Japan earlier so they ended up playing for third place which was disappointing for the team, but Kelley was proud of how well she ended up playing and Hope made sure she knew it.

\---

Hope still doesn’t understand how she’s so supportive of Kelley. She’s just, she genuinely appreciates her good spirit. Something about her lack of boundaries and raw sense of self is just refreshing and Hope gets wrapped up in it completely. They have conversations for hours in their room and she answers pretty much everything Kelley throws at her. Questions anyone else in their right mind wouldn’t dare ask her and if they did she’d make sure they’d never do it again. Stories about her childhood and her family, they came out of her smooth as butter. Hope tried to pretend that it wasn’t the freckles that made her talk so willingly, it was because she was in the process of writing her memoir. It helps to talk it out, she reasons.

\---

The night before they all leave for their break before headed off to the Olympics a bunch of the girls go out to celebrate. Kelley convinces Hope to come out with them and a few shots later they’re all loosened up dancing to Katy Perry screaming the lyrics to “Firework” having the time of their lives. For the most part Hope hangs out at the bar having conversations with girls as they come up after each song for a drinking break. As she’s approaching her fourth whiskey she notices Kelley and Sydney in the corner chatting up some local guys. One guy has his eyes glued to Kelley but Kelley is too wrapped up in whatever crazy story Sydney is telling the group. She’s wearing a green top and her hair down and Hope can’t help but notice just how radiant she is. Kelley notices her look at her and nods and brings her drink up acknowledging her silently with a smile.

The bar is starting to become less crowded, and before they know it’s last call. Some of the girls have already left and it’s just Hope, Kelley, HAO, Sydney, and Cheney. Kelley and Sydney are by far the drunkest of the bunch and since Cheney and Sydney are roommates she takes her under her wing as they head back to the hotel. Kelley’s leaning on Hope for support, her arm looped inside hers talking about how excited she is to get to London. “We’re going to get the gold Hope. I can feel it, ” she drunkenly slurs. They get to Kelley’s room and Hope tries grab Kelley’s key card to open her door while keeping Kelley from falling. “You’re going to kick ass,” she says as she slaps Hope on the ass making Hope jump a little, almost losing grip of Kelley as she stumbles into the room. “Alright Kel, time for bed.” Kelley’s rooming with Tobin but she’s not there, probably in Alex’s room she figures.

She grabs Kelley and tries to put her down onto the bed but Kelley trips and holds onto Hope as she goes down and lands on top of her. They are inches away from each other and Hope looks her in the eye for a few moments before she snaps out of it and pushes herself away and heads toward the bathroom. She stares into the mirror trying to figure out what the fuck that was, trying to slow her heartbeat down. She washes her face off and when she gets out Kelley is snoring, her pants halfway down her legs. Hope pulls her pants off and shoves her into the bed, tossing her blanket over her. “You are such an idiot,” she says quietly. Kelley snores in response. Hope smiles and leaves. The next day as they’re all saying goodbye Hope wonders if Kelley remembers their last interaction. Judging by the way Kelley tiptoes up for a hug and squeezes the crap out of her as she says goodbye she figures she doesn’t.

\---

Kelley does. Well at least she thinks she does. It’s a little blurry but she definitely remembers the way Hope looked at her contemplating whether she should get off of her or not. She smirks to herself as she heads to her flight. People just assume by the way Kelley acts and dresses that she’s straight. And on most days she’d agree with them. But she’s had her fair share of drunken experiments in college and although nothing serious ever came of it she wouldn’t deny the opportunity of having something more with another woman if she felt it was right. And although she knows by the way guys approach her whenever she goes out that she’s attractive, she’s only had one serious relationship, and that didn’t last too long after she got drafted across the country to play in Boston. She’s always put soccer first, before proms and guys and so far it’s turned out well for her. She’s not afraid of putting herself out there but that’s not on her mind this close to the Olympics. Well, it wasn’t until she felt Hope pressed on top of her. 


	3. When You Decided to Walk Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knows Hope’s right, well right enough. She can’t force her into this. No one forces Hope into anything.

Hope and Kelley are roommates again in Scotland. Although everyone silently thinks it’s weird how close the two of them have gotten, without a doubt they bring out the best in each other both on and off the pitch. It might only be the overall excitement of finally being at the Olympics but Kelley notices every touch, every hug between them is slightly longer than it should be. And at first slapping Hope’s ass had more to do with how hilariously uncomfortable it made Hope but she started to realize how much she actually enjoyed that level of intimacy with her.

The semi-final with Canada surpassed the emotions of the Brazil game last year and not just because of the added physical exhaustion she experienced. Coming from behind and tying three separate times to win in the 123rd minute did a toll on her. It didn’t help that she saw the look on Hope when she hit the ground after Tancredi body checked her leaving breathless. She doesn’t really remember what happened after the final whistle blew. She’s pretty sure she kissed Alex on the neck telling her several times how much she loved her. She definitely recalls slapping Hope again on the ass in front of thousands of people. By the way Hope reacted she knew that she was alright with that.

As they were getting ready for bed late that night Kelley was still replaying the match in her head. “Today was unbelievable, Hope. Un-freaking-believable.”

“It really was,” Hope said smiling from her bed. “You know, when that bitch threw you down near the end I almost lost it. She’s lucky I was forty yards away.”

“Hope we both know you wouldn’t have lost it. You’re too good for that.” Hope’s smile widens. “You’d have just given her the ol’ Hope Solo bitch face." Kelley does her best impersonation squinting her eyes and pursing her lips before she feels a pillow hit her across the face. “Hey, that was a compliment! I don’t get why people are always throwing pillows at me,” Kelley huffs.

“Because you’re an idiot.” Kelley gives her a puppy dog look, faking sniffles. “Stop being so dramatic. You’re my favorite idiot, okay?”

Kelley sheepishly grins back. “I know.”  
\----  
“Come on Stanford get your ass in the tunnel it’s champagne time!” HAO screams at her pushing her towards the tunnel that glorious evening in Wembley Stadium. There is champagne everywhere. Literally. Everywhere. That night after celebrating with their family and friends drinking every sip of alcohol in sight the champions go out in the village to celebrate properly, ending up at the bar the American athletes have claimed for this month in London.

“We held the puppies back from going hard as long as we could,” Mittsy says to Hope as they stand near the back beer in hand watching the younger ones. The way they inhaled shot after shot dancing so hard you wouldn’t even know they had played a gold medal Olympic match a few hours earlier. Kelley comes over with three shots in her hand, giving one to each of the older Olympians. “You guys are too sober, you realize we fucking won right? RIGHT?” She howls before she downs her shot of tequila. “Let me get you guys another.” Mittsy smirks at Hope as they reach the same conclusion. “We are gold medalists, after all.”

Several Rihanna songs later the entire team is absolutely wasted. At least every 30 minutes the entire bar ends up in cheers screaming “USA! USA! USA!” Kelley’s got her arm around Hope’s waist as they finish off another shot. The floor feels less stable and Hope is wishing she had on different footwear. “You alright?” Kelley asks. “Wishing I didn’t wear these heels tonight.”

Kelley looks her up and down.“Who cares, you look hot.” They look into each others eyes for what seems like hours until Sydney trips into them. “You guys I am sooo drunk.” She’s surprisingly one of the few that can usually hold her liquor. Kelley wonders if it’s time to end their celebrations for the night.

The group finally stumbles back to their hotel as the sun is rising. Hope and Kelley’s room is around the corner and as the turn it Kelley falls into Hope and they’re on the wall against each other and suddenly her lips are on Hope’s and she pulls her in stronger and they stumble down the hall into their room, clothes flying everywhere when--

“Jeez, spare me those kind of details Kelley. I know I said that I want to hear everything but I didn’t mean literally everything.”

It’s already been a few hours since Kelley started talking so they decided a change of scenery was due and walked over to a park nearby. Danny’s tried his best to listen to Kelley, he can tell how much she’s yearned to talk to someone about all of this. But he draws the line at hearing about the woman he’s in love with having sex with another woman.

“Sorry,” Kelley says quietly as she feels her face burn red.

“I’d just appreciate it if you skipped over the sex,” Danny says blushing as well.

“Yeah um...I get it.”

Kelley doesn’t know what to say next honestly, because to be frank most of her relationship with Hope (if she can even call it that) was sex. Great sex. Easily the best sex she’d ever had. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, which is why they forgot to lock the deadbolt on Kelley’s room when Tobin and Alex walked in on Kelley topless on top of Hope. Anytime they found themselves alone Kelley would practically jump on top of Hope trying to get in her pants.

It was fucking amazing. Until the feelings started to surface.

“You’ve gotten to know me, Dan, I get attached to basically everything.” He chuckles and she tries to laugh it off with him. “After weeks of fooling around, surprise! I started to fall for her. But that wasn’t the worst part. She started to feel the same.”

“Feelings aren’t her strong point?” he asks as she nods.

“The longer we went without talking about it the more she recoiled away from me.”  
\---  
After the Pia’s last game against Australia the ladies all went out to try and make the night feel better. Kelley’s never been good with goodbyes and it shows. All she wants is Hope’s arms around her, even if just in a friendly way- but she knows she’s not going to get it. Two nights earlier she finally got fed up with Hope’s excuses to not spend any time with her alone unless it was to fool around. That night after they were done as Hope is getting ready to leave she blurts, “Are you ever going to admit to yourself that you actually want more than just sex with me?” Instead of answering Hope focuses on buttoning her shirt. “No answer. Really?”

Hope looks up staring directly out the hotel window. She’s avoiding eye contact and it’s making Kelley furious. “Kelley, come on. I thought what we were doing was clear. Stop trying to make it more than it is.” She could not be more casual about it.

“Clear? What do you mean, clear?” She sits up trying to feel taller. She focuses on keeping her voice steady. “We’ve NEVER talked about this. EVER.”

Hope stands up looking down on her, “Well I thought you were adult enough to figure out what this was but clearly I was wrong.”

“Adult?” Kelley scoffs quickly standing up trying to even the playing ground. “Last time I checked adults fucking communicated. Sex doesn’t count,” she adds grimly. She hears Hope mutter something under her breath and Kelley’s confidence is growing. All bets are off at this point. “What was that?”

“This is ridiculous. I can’t do this. I thought you got that. Clearly you don’t.” And before Kelley could respond Hope walked out of her room, leaving Kelley alone with her thoughts burdened and her heart heavy.

“You alright there KO?” She can hear Tobin speaking to her but she can’t acknowledge it. She’s afraid if she turns to look at her she’ll start crying in front of everyone. And sure, most of the team will figure it’s because of Pia leaving but Tobin and Alex will know who it’s really about. And worst of all, Hope will know it too. She takes another sip of her beer and nods. Tobin won’t press her, at least not in public.

\---  
Later that night as she goes for her nightly ice chip run when she runs into Hope, stopping her dead in her tracks. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you."

"Why?"

She feels Hope’s piercing eyes on her and she knows what's about to happen next. Hope is the lioness and she’s her prey. And she can’t say a word to refuse her. Hope has her cornered and she lightly presses her hands on Kelley’s hips and kisses her. The ice container is on the floor and her hands are on Hope’s neck, her nails pressed into Hope’s skin. The kisses intenses exponentially until they hear some noise coming from around the hallway. Hope quickly pulls away, picking up the container and handing it to Kelley motioning to her to do what she originally intended. Hope stands there silently as Kelley fills the container with ice.

“Is Tobin in Alex’s room?” Kelley is still looking toward the ice machine trying to decide what to say. She knows what her answer to that question really means.

“Yes. I’m alone.” She turns and instead of looking at Hope she walks out of room and toward her room.

She hears Hope following her.

\---  
Kelley’s phone vibrates as she receives a text that knocks both her and Hope out of each other’s gazes and into reality. She has no idea how long they’ve been lying there in between her sheets without a sound. She’s never seen Hope be this tender with her, the way she touched her that tonight was completely different. It was light and fragile and full of care. That’s when she realized that Hope was sad about their coach leaving too. Of course she is, Pia believed in Hope when the world had written her off in 2007. She owed so much to her. Yet at the bar she distinctly remembers Hope with all smiles, acting like the night was normal. But it wasn’t, and there lay Hope naked, physically and emotionally in front of her. It’s like Hope senses Kelley’s realization and turns over choosing to stare at the ceiling instead. “I’m a mess Kelley. You don’t want to be with someone like me.”

Kelley reaches for Hope’s hand and squeezes it. “But I want to, Hope. We’ve been through so much this past year together as friends. And then this, whatever this is, happened and suddenly we stopped being friends. It was just sex. I don’t understand why it has to be one or the other.”

She can feel Hope’s mind going a thousand miles an hour, trying to figure out what to say. “Because I know who I am Kel. I can tell you for a fact that if we made this into something more it would be amazing at first. I know it would. But a few months into it I’d do what I always do. I’d run. People like me don’t have happy endings.” Kelley feels a tear fall, her heart hurting for Hope.

“That’s not true, Hope,” she quietly says. “You’re the strongest person I know. Having you in my life has been nothing short of extraordinary. Every moment I have with you I feel breathless and full of life at the same time.” She moves her hand from Hope’s hand to the side of her face forcing Hope to look at her. “I can’t guarantee that I’m a part of your happy ending. But I think if we try there isn’t anything we couldn’t do. We could be happy. I’m sure of it.”

Hope closes her eyes moving her hand on top of Kelley’s. “I know I’m going to hurt you. I hurt everyone around me.” She opens her eyes. “You’re too important to me. I can’t ruin you. You have to believe me when I say this. You deserve better than me. I can’t give you what you need.” Hope clears her throat, “Now we can continue sneaking around and pretend all of this doesn’t matter, but we both know that’s not true. And one day you’re going to hate me for it.” Kelley turns over, focusing on the spots on the ceiling tiles, trying not to cry. She knows Hope’s right, well right enough. She can’t force her into this. No one forces Hope into anything.

Kelley looks back at the keeper again. “So do we just go back to how it was? Pretend we never experienced this?” Hope does something she’d never done before. She pulls Kelley in, wrapping her completely in her arms.

“No.” She nuzzles her head onto Kelley’s shoulder and kisses it softly. “We cherish what we had. And we try and be happy because of it.” They stay like that the rest of night eventually falling asleep. When Kelley wakes up Hope is gone.

\---  
They don’t see each other for a few weeks before their next games against Germany. That night at their first team meeting as they’re all getting up to leave she notices the shiny ring on Hope’s finger. Her left ring finger. She nudges over to Alex, “is Hope engaged?”

Alex looks at her shocked, “you didn’t know?” Kelley looks at her blankly shaking her head. She can feel the color leaving her face. “I thought...I didn’t want to bother you about it cause I figured you were upset enough. I knew it was more than just hooking up for you.”

That night Alex tells Tobin to go find something else to do cause she needs time alone with Kelley. She watches not one, but two episodes of Glee with her. “Tell me about him. I need to know everything.” Kelley says determined to get through this without crying. Alex turns, trying to figure out what to say. “Honestly I don’t know much. His name is Jerramy. He plays football. They’ve known each other since college. I don’t know when the started, you know, dating, but it hasn’t been long I think.” Alex notices Kelley slump into herself trying to hide her tears. “Aw Kel.” She pulls her in for a hug and kisses the top of her head. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’ll get you through this. I promise.”

Alex keeps her promise. She basically forces Tobin to as well, not that Tobin needed any reason to. But as Tobin always says (jokingly), “You don’t say no to Alex. You just don’t.” Between the two of them Kelley is never alone. Although they don’t tell the other girls why, they wrap Cheney and A-Rod into it as well whenever they can. Kelley is grateful, she really is but she honestly can’t wait until they are done with this round of the victory tour so she can have some time alone. Alex has done so much for her she can’t tell her to stop. It’s only a for a few more days she figures. They end up tying both games against Germany and that night she convinces Alex to go spend the night with Tobin, that she’ll be alright alone. She’s singing to herself as she goes to get ice when she sees Hope in there clearly waiting for her. Kelley is dumbfounded. She cannot believe that Hope is really doing this.

“Are you serious? This is how and when you decide to talk to me for the first time in weeks?”

“Please give me a chance to explain.”

“Explain what exactly? How not even three weeks ago you told me you can’t be in a relationship but now you’re engaged?” She’s screaming. She’s actually screaming at Hope. Hope puts her hand over her mouth and drags her down the hall into her room.

“Get out your room key.” Kelley is so full of rage she doesn’t even know what to say.

“I’m not some fucking toy, you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Hope looks at her sternly like she’s her teacher. “Kelley, I get it, just not out here. If you’re going to scream at me at least do it in private. I know Alex isn’t in there.”

After she closes the door she turns around to look at Hope. “So? What then?” She throws her hands in the air completely forgetting about the bucket in her hand. “ What the hell happened between then and now that made you decide to get fucking engaged? Hm?”

Hope sighs and calmly replies, “I don’t expect you to understand. I’ve known him for years. And yeah, we haven’t dated that long per say, but he gets me. He loves me.” Kelley starts to talk but Hope speaks louder, “And I love him.”

“So what you’re saying is that you lied.”

“I never lied to you Kelley.”

“Then maybe you should’ve clarified it better. It wasn’t that you couldn’t be in a relationship, it was that you couldn’t be in a relationship with me.” Hope looks exasperated. “I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry.”

“YOU DON’T GET TO BE SORRY. YOU’RE THE ONE GETTING MARRIED,” she bellows. She turns away from her looking outside her hotel window trying to regain control of her emotions. She takes a deep breath. “You were right.” She turns back to face her, “You’ve ruined me.”

She sees a tear fall down Hope’s face as she says softly “I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”

“But it did. I can’t do this anymore. I need to be alone.”

“Okay,” Hope whispers and leaves.

\---  
In San Francisco Alex, Tobin, and Allie have done a good job of keeping Kelley busy. Between all the Movies, surfing, training, and eating out she’s barely had time to think about Hope. They’re at the park taking a break from some pick-up when Kelley sees Hope’s name come up on her phone.

> Hope: I know this is short notice. And I know that you don’t like me right now but I need you to know how much your friendship has meant to me. I don’t want to throw that away. You don’t have to say yes but I would it would mean everything to me if you came to our wedding this weekend.

She tells Tobin about the text later when they’re preparing dinner. She really doesn’t know what to say back, much less what to do. But she knows Tobin will help her make the right decision. “Dude, I don’t know. That’s rough.” Classic Tobin. She knows if she gives her a few more moments to think she’ll get the answer she’s looking for. “It’s tough cuz like, you two were good friends. We all saw how much she believed in you when you started playing with the back line. She was always the first to defend you. But she really screwed you over.” She takes a sip of her drink before she finishes. “I think you’ll regret it if you don’t go Kelley. You don’t have to forgive her, but I know you’ll always look back wondering if you should have gone.”

\---  
It’s only her and Jill there from the national team. She figured at the very least Carli and Mittsy would be there. She figures it’s because of the short notice but secretly she hopes it’s because none of them approve. A friend of Hope comes up to Kelley while she’s eating with Jill the morning of and tells her Hope wants to see her. She knows she can’t refuse so she heads up to the room where she’s getting ready. There’s a woman finishing her makeup when she enters. Hope of course looks stunning. “Hey,” Hope softly says to her. She asks the woman to leave so they can talk. “I’m glad you came. It means a lot.”

Kelley looks at her feet while she tries to respond sounding as natural as possible. “We’re still friends. You know I couldn’t say no.” Hope smiles in agreeance. Kelley feels like vomiting in disgust from how fake she’s being. She can’t stand it. Those mimosas she had with Jill don’t help with stopping her from saying what she’s decided she’s going to say. “Don’t marry him.” Hope stands up looking at her sadly and disappointed.

“I can’t do that Kel. You know that.” She starts to walk toward the door but Kelley grabs her by the wrist.

“No, I don’t.” She pulls Hope’s hand onto her cheek, letting Hope caress her freckles. It’s now or never. “Hope, I love you. Please stay.” Hope looks at her almost in tears and lets go of her face putting her arms over her head.

“I can’t, Kelley. I’m marrying him. I’m sorry.”

The wedding is beautiful and somehow Kelley manages to get through it without being emotional. The first chance she gets she leaves the reception, checks out of the hotel and changes her flight to get back home as fast as she can.  
\---  
“Have you talked to her since?” Danny asks. They’re in his kitchen and he’s making them some dinner. All that talking has left Kelley with an empty stomach. She takes a swig of her beer. “Not really. During games and practices only what was necessary. She hasn’t really been around with her injuries. But she should be back soon.”

“I think you should talk to her. In a controlled setting. Look at us now. I’m making us dinner while you’re tell me about the woman you love. If someone had told me a week ago what we’d be doing I’d have probably punch them in the face. People surprise you.” She doesn’t really know what to say. She can’t help her smile, he’s such a genuine person. She really wishes that they had taken things slower and had just been friends instead. “I should have been honest with you at first Danny. I’m sorry that it took you telling me you love me for me to say how I really felt. You’ve been nothing but good to me.” He shrugs, “I don’t know. I fooled myself into thinking you felt the same about me. If I had really been looking I would have noticed something was up.” He pauses and furrows his brows. “‘When people show you who they are, believe them.’ At least, that’s what I think the quote is. You say you’re in love with someone else, that you’re not in this...I believe you. And I’m okay with that, mostly. That’s life.” He stops cutting vegetables and looks at her. “I can be just your friend, if you’ll let me. It’ll suck but if that’s what you need I can do that.”

She takes a moment to think about it. “I want to be your friend, but like I said earlier I get attached to everything. I’m going to need some time you know, be single. Not in a go crazy and have sex with random people kind of way. I need to not want to be romantic with you. Just because I love Hope doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you.” They eat dinner together one last time and as she gets ready to leave she hugs him tight and kisses him on the cheek. “I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the chapter title from one of daft punks new songs called "the game of love". the quote dan says is a maya angelou one.


	4. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't act like you don't want it," Hope snarls back. She's direct as usual, knowing exactly what'll turn Kelley on but unfortunately today it's the same thing that makes her blood boil. She storms away toward the elevator. Before it can close Hope forces her way in and Kelley scoffs in astonishment. "Hope. You realize you're married, right? Married?!" Hope inches herself closer to Kelley backing her into a corner. "That doesn't mean I still don't have feelings for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said before this is my first fic, any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Okay, so when Kelley said she wasn't going to slut it up she did mean it, but somehow she's managed to find herself in a bar called One Last Shag and after a few whiskeys she's decided to take the bar's name to heart. It wasn't until one of her hands was under the blonde's shirt and the other making it's way farther south did she feel herself being pulled away from this extremely attractive woman. "Hey! What the fuck?" she drunkenly screams.

It took both her roommates to pull the feisty little Olympian out of the bar, a fact that she was damn proud of. "Listen Kel, we get that you're hurting but is this really what you should be doing right now?" Kelley looks between the two of them trying to make sure her words come out as sober as possible. "Tomorrow morning I head to Kansas City and then I go to Toronto for a week. I'm going to do what I want tonight. I'll deal with the consequences tomorrow."

The hangover she has the next morning as she tries to find her pants in an unknown apartment is definitely more of consequence than she bargained for. She spots her pants near the other side of the bed and stubs her foot on the edge of it. After a few loud expletives the blond, naked on the bed, starts to wake up from her slumber. She quickly exits and realizes she has absolutely no idea where she is. She pulls out her phone and pulls up Maps to figure out how to get home. Luckily she's actually only half a mile from where she lives and the walk back is actually refreshing as the sun is just starting to rise over the Brooklyn sky.

She's trying to remember how last night even happened when it hits her. Hope. Of course, who else would drive her to do something this idiotic? That morning at practice Jill gave her the exciting news. Well according to Jill it was exciting, to Kelley it was more devastating. "Hope called me last night saying she's coming up to Toronto for four days to train. How amazing is that?"

"That's great!" Kelley tries to convert her feeling of shock into the best smile she can muster but Jill sees right through it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kelley clear her throat. "Just you know, sad still about Danny." She doesn't like lying in general but she figures this is partially true. Jill pats her on the back. "It'll be alright Kel. Besides, we're going to Toronto soon, that'll get your mind off things right?" Kelley just shrugs and laughs a little to which Jill responds smiling. If only she knew how wrong she really was.

When her roommate suggested going out that night she was determined to at least get all her frustations, sexual and otherwise, out of her system before Toronto. Kelley knows it's not hard to get someone to sleep with her, especially after she mentions that she's won a gold medal. Turns out she didn't even have to mention it after the blond, Alicia, bought her a drink saying that she recognized her from the Olympics. It was actually quite nice to be recognized, especially by someone as hot as this blond was. She didn't get recognized often like Alex or Abby (or Hope), and when she did they were either teenage girls or the kind of lesbians that only owned plaid. Not that she has anything against them, she just doesn't want to sleep with them. The kind of girls she's always been attracted to are pretty and know it, and this Alicia knew exactly how good she looked that night. And Kelley couldn't have stopped herself even if she tried.

Kelley's glad she packed all her shit before she went out that night because she cuts it close to meeting up with her Sky Blue teammates at the airport. She has the pleasure of sitting next to Brittany as they fly midwest. "Holy shit, what the fuck did you do last night girl? I can smell your bad decisions from over here!" Brittany's not one to judge and parties plenty herself so she knows she can tell her about her night without it getting to any of the more serious players. "Damnnn Kelley, get it!!" she exclaims much louder than Kelley wishes and the lady sitting across from them glares. This time she lowers her voice significantly. "Listen, you know me. Do what you gotta do. No shame." She nudges Kelley's arm. "Just next time invite me along, ok?"

\---

Barely twenty minutes into the game against FCKC she messes up her ankle and spends the rest of the game out. Thankfully it's a minor sprain even though it didn't feel that way as it happened. Honestly, she's more pissed that she didn't get to exhaust herself for 90 minutes and get out the rest of her jitters before seeing Hope in a few days. US Soccer put all the girls who played in that match on the same flight up to Toronto and she ends up sitting next to Cheney. Although she has her suspicions, she's pretty sure Cheney only knows that someone broke her heart six months ago and that she's still not over it completely. Someone how Cheney knows about her breakup and Cheney jokingly offers to not talk about her upcoming wedding but Kelley insists there was nothing else in the world she'd rather hear about than her perfect relationship. She's glad Cheney is happy with Jrue, their entire relationship in general is one of the sweetest things Kelley's ever encountered. Full of love, honesty, and kindness. Everything she wish she could've had with Hope.

\---

Kelley sits out for the first practice after the medical staff decides she needs a little more time to let her ankle rest. She tries her hardest to keep her eyes away from the goalkeepers training but it's just impossible. Hope is radiant, absolutely radiant. She is beyond happy to be back on the pitch training with Paul and Kelley can't help but smile whenever she looks over. Until she notices what she has printed on her gloves, "Stevens." She's really not that surprised, considering Hope has always used her gloves more to make a statement, but it rubs her the wrong way. She can't help but feel like it's directed at her.

Later on that evening as the players who need recovery massage are waiting for their times with the therapists she ends up waiting with Hope, alone. Alone for the first time since the wedding. She tries to keep her eyes on her phone but then Hope interrupts the silence. "Is your ankle alright?"

"Yea, you know how it is. They're just erring on the side of caution. I blame it on FCKC's damn turf for making it seem worse than it really was."

"It seemed like you were in a lot of pain. I'm glad you're alright." Hope had watched the game. And like her sister let her know on the phone after the game that night, Hope definitely heard her cries in pain. Great, like she needed to seem more vulnerable and weak to her so she fires back aggressively. "How's the wrist? I didn't realize you'd be back in time for this trip."

Hope doesn't miss a beat. "Taking it day by day. Even though I'm not ready to play with the team any time training with you guys is an opportunity I can't say no to."

"Can we talk?" Kelley suddenly blurts out. Hope also seems a little confused by her question. "Well, aren't we talking now?" Kelley glares at her slightly, "You know what I mean. Outside of this, outside of about soccer." Before Hope gets a chance to respond Carli walks out of the recovery room telling Hope she's up next and Kelley's left alone trying to figure out what the hell she just got herself into.

\---

"Hey it's Danny, leave your message at the beep!" She didn't know if she should just take this as a sign to hang up or leave a message but once she heard the beep she knew she'd just have to go with it. "Hey Danny, I don't know if you expected me to call you back this soon but I'm in Toronto training with the national team and Hope is here and I'm kind of freaking out about it. Call me when you can."

She's rooming with Ali this trip, which she figures is good. They're not the best of friends but Ali's so sweet and positive she knows that it'll probably be good for her. A bunch of the girls were in their room watching The Bachelorette earlier and they were still talking about it when Ali hits her with a curve ball. "So, I don't know how to tell you this but...I feel bad about not having said anything about it earlier but...I know about you and Hope." Kelley was taking a sip of water as Ali decided to reveal this information to her and the water ends everywhere but inside her mouth. Kelley doesn't really know what to say so she just focuses on cleaning up the mess. Ali gets up from her bed to help her. "How. How do you know?" Ali rolls her eyes laughing, "Come on Kelley, you have to know the keepers all know everything about each other right? You can't be that oblivious." So Jill has been holding out on her, hard. Kelley lifts her hands and smirks. "Apparently I am. Wow. I'm an idiot."

"They don't go around announcing it obviously. But you know, Ashlyn tells me everything." Kelley's in the middle of changing out of her wet shirt when she turns around. "Why now? Why reveal this all these months later?"

"Jill's worried about you. She didn't want to overstep but she knew Ashlyn would get me to try and help you out. You know, as a defender in a mostly successful relationship with a keeper on this team." Ali starts blushing a bit. Although it's common knowledge on the team about their relationship, Ali is private about it and they all respect that. "Well it helps that your girl isn't married," Kelley states matter of factly. "Have you talked to Hope at all since the wedding?" Kelley tells her what occurred earlier that evening. "I think it's good for you to talk to her. It's been long enough. Either way whatever happens you'll feel lighter. Trust me."

\---

The next day they end up having a short afternoon session and Hope asks her if she wants to get coffee in an hour. She hastily takes a shower and tries to look as presentable as possible without trying too hard. There's a coffee shop not far from the hotel that Press already had been to several times that she had been meaning to go to. She meets up with Hope in the lobby and they make their way down.

"So, how's Jerramy?" That's not exactly what Kelley wanted to say at first but it just came out so she's just going to have to go with it. "He's good. We're good. How about you and your boyfriend?"

Kelley figured after Ali's revelation last night that Hope would have known what had happened. She tells Hope what had happened in the past week, trying to leave Hope out of it as much as she can but she just knows by the way Hope is looking at her that she knows she's a bigger part of it than Kelley's admitting. They're sitting on a couch across from each other nearly finished with their drinks, sitting in silence for what seems like hours until Hope says something that completely throws Kelley off.

"I still feel really bad about what happened Kelley. I hope you believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you this bad." Kelley starts to respond but Hope just continues to surprise her. "For a while I tried to convince myself that it would have been better if we never got into a relationship, but that's not true. The truth is, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, I care about you, alot. And those first few weeks we were together were amazing, some of the greatest weeks of my life, until I started over thinking and ruined everything. I'm glad I got to experience that with you Kelley. Even though you probably hate me for it."

Kelley is trying to remember how to breathe. She's been trying to do that since she heard Hope say the word relationship. She looks up from staring at her coffee cup, looking Hope straight in the eyes. "I don't think I could ever hate you, Hope. You hurt me, you really fucking did, down to my core in a way I'd never been hurt before," she gulps trying her best to hold back tears, "but I wouldn't take back what we had for anything in the world either. Even if it was just sex."

"It was never just sex Kelley. You know that."

Their conversation was cut short after Mewie and Syd noticed them sitting as they walked in. Of course the two idiots just assumed their presence was more than welcome and forced themselves to sit with them on the couch opposite them. Unsurprisingly it doesn't take long for the four of them to be choking back laughter as Sydney is trying to explain to Hope what Vines are and showing her what they've been making in their free time. Kelley doesn't know exactly when it started to happen but soon she finds her legs touching Hope's and then Hope's hand lightly touching her thigh every now and then in a fit of laughter. She knows she should move, signaling to Hope that she's not okay with it but she can't move a millimeter away from her touch. The contact between them is driving her wild. The two idiots of course are too busy yelling at each other to even notice what is happening between them, even as they walk back to the hotel, Hope brushing up on her any chance she can.

Once they reach the hotel Mewie and Syd go off on a separate adventure leaving Hope and Kelley alone again. "What are you doing, touching me like that?" Kelley whispers trying not to make too much of a fuss in public. "Don't act like you don't want it," Hope snarls back. She's direct as usual, knowing exactly what'll turn Kelley on but unfortunately today it's the same thing that makes her blood boil. She storms away toward the elevator. Before it can close Hope forces her way in and Kelley scoffs in astonishment. "Hope. You realize you're married, right? Married?!" Hope inches herself closer to Kelley backing her into a corner. "That doesn't mean I still don't have feelings for you." She inches toward her face but the elevator stops and Kelley takes that moment to slide away from under Hope. A man walks in and Hope just stands next to her staring until they reach their floor. Once they step out and the door closes behind them Kelley surprises herself, in a good way. "I'm not perfect, Hope, but I know this much - going down this road is wrong and I'm the one that's going to be hurt the most when this all goes to shit. If you care about me you'll let me walk away." Hope looks like she's going to continue fighting but instead sighs and turns away.

She gets back to her room to find Ali and Ashlyn watching a movie. Kelley's used all the self restraint she had left walking away from Hope so as the wave of tears came down her face there was nothing in the world she could do to stop it.

  
  



	5. Try a Little Tenderness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope doesn’t know how to react. A part of her welcomes this, no one’s dared to say anything about it to her. She’s battered herself plenty about it, even if no one would believe her. Instead of saying that she steps one foot closer looking her square in the eye. “I don’t expect you understand the nature of our relationship. You’re overstepping.”
> 
> "Really?” the other keeper broadens her shoulders like a bull ready for battle. “I understand damn well enough to know that fucking someone secretly in hotels and on ice machines is not a relationship. Who do you think you’re talking to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the cursing, I don't know about you but I'm curse like a sailor when I'm pissed and it translates to my writing. Hope you like it! As always comments are more than welcome!

Kelley is astonished that her body still have the ability to produce tears. Ali and Ashlyn have been taking turns comforting her for at least three hours. It’s past midnight and she’s curled up in Ashlyn’s arm as they watch Pitch Perfect. She keeps on going over what had happened and she just doesn’t get it. What changed? She thought Hope couldn’t care less about her. Is it the fact that she’s single again? Did that make Hope assume she wants her back? Does Kelley even honestly want Hope back? She knows the answer to that question but the idea of being Hope’s mistress makes her nauseous. Although she doesn’t wear her religion on her sleeve like Tobin or Cheney she’s still painfully Catholic and the idea of committing adultery is unthinkable but then she remembers how good Hope’s body feels against hers and she knows in a moment of weakness what she would do. The tears still insist on coming so she just closes her eyes and leans into Ashlyn more and somehow she slowly falls asleep.

“Psst. Ali.” Ashlyn motions to Kelley, her face expressing the confusion as to what she should do about her freckled hurting friend passed out on top of her. Ali laughs and sits up from her bed helping Ashlyn move Kelley off of her with as little movement as possible. They move over to Ali’s bed sitting on the edge watching Kelley sleep. Ashlyn grabs Ali’s hand softly and Ali leans her head onto her shoulder and whispers, “She didn’t say one word. She just cried the entire time. It has to be about Hope, right?” 

“Yeah, who knows what the fuck she did.” She tightens her grip on Ali’s hand. “This is ridiculous. Hope and I are chill but this isn’t right. If it were anyone else who had made Kelley hurt like this I would have called them out on it by now.” Her voice gets stronger. “Someone needs to stand up to her. This is bullshit.” Seeing Ashlyn this riled up and defensive about Kelley makes Ali even more enamored by her. She understands where Ashlyn is coming from but she knows it’s probably not the best idea. “Ash, maybe we should wait until Kelley tells us what happened. Getting in Hope’s face, especially without knowing all the details might make it worse.” 

\---  
The sun coming in through their hotel window wakes Kelley up the next morning. She looks at her phone and see’s she has plenty of time before training that morning when she catches a glimpse of her face in the mirror and notices the streaks of mascara down her face. It takes her a moment to remember why she looks that horrible and just thinking about it all makes her shudder. She notices Ali and Ashlyn sleeping on the opposite bed and decides to let them sleep some more and goes to take a long shower. 

When she gets out of the shower forty odd minutes later she sees the couple eating bagels and watching Sports Center, arguing over hockey. “They shouldn’t be allowed to be that aggressive. That’s all I’m saying Ash.” Ash isn’t paying attention though cause she sees Kelley looking at them smiling all goofy. “Hey lady, we brought up bagels. We couldn’t remember which kind you like so I decided to get one of each,” Ashlyn smirks proudly. Kelley pats Ash on the head lovingly and grabs an everything bagel putting a generous layer of cream cheese on it. Ashlyn and Ali are looking at each other arguing through their glances over who should bring up last night’s events. It’s Kelley that breaks the silence, “So I owe you guys an explanation. Especially after I ruined your evening last night. So thanks for that.” Ashlyn loops her arm around Kelley’s and squeezes tight. “Anytime. You know that. So what happened?”

“Well we went to get coffee and I don’t know if this was always what she planned on doing but after I mentioned that I broke up with Danny she started crossing the line emotionally and physically. She told me she still cared about me and that she still wants me. I tried to get away from her but she cornered me in elevator. I told her that if she really cared for me she’d let me be. And then I came here and you know, cried my face off.” She tries laughing it off but Ashlyn sits up suddenly dropping the plate in her lap. “This is bullshit. She tried hitting on you when she’s fucking married? Are you kidding me?” 

Ali stand up grabbing Ashlyn’s hand. “Babe calm down.” She looks at Kelley desperately hoping Kelley feels the same way. “Yeah Ash. Don’t worry. I can handle myself. I can handle her. I’ll talk to her before she leaves tomorrow. On my terms.”

“But what are you even going to say to her Kelley? Do you even know what you want? We all know you still want her,” Ashlyn retorts. “For all this defending of my honor I'd think you know me well enough to know that even though I still have feelings for her I'd never be her mistress or something.”

“Yeah well how long is that going to last?”

"Ashlyn!" Ali screams. She grabs her girlfriend by the arm dragging her toward the door. "Kelley I'm sorry about this jerk. Both jerks.” She gives her a sympathetic look and rubs her arm. “I'm gonna go talk this one down outside, we'll see you at practice later."

Kelley's not really sure exactly what just happened. At least she's finally seen what everyone else talks about, how Ali's the one who actually runs their relationship. She's finishing up her bagel when her phone buzzes with a text from Dan. "Hey. Sorry I couldn't answer your call the other day, work has been insane. If you need to talk still I'm free later tonight." She texts him back telling him not to worry about it when she hears someone banging on the door. She opens the door figuring Ali forgot her key and instead Alex storms in.

"So where you ever going to tell me what happened?" She questions. "I have to overhear Ali and Ashlyn in the stairwell to find out my best friend cried her eyes out last night out?"

"I'm sorry! Everything happened so fast and they were just there." Kelley retells what happened for the second time that morning and she can see it’s taking Alex every ounce of self control to let her finish before she starts yelling.

"Kelley. WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. You're better than this! What do you think is gonna happen? Huh? We both know that even though you say you won't sleep with her cause she's married she's a few sweet words away from getting you naked. Don’t even try and deny it."

Kelley tries to speak up and tell her otherwise but fuck if Alex doesn't know her better than she knows herself.

"What do you think will happen. Hm? You'll sneak around in hotels again? Behind his back, only getting sex out of her? I know that killed you last year, how little she gave you. Say whatever you want about Danny but I know you loved getting to go out in public and be affectionate with each other. Going on dates, having someone openly care about you, unashamed. You need that, Kelley. I know you."

She's right. Kelley will never forget how amazing it felt the first time Dan introduced her as his girlfriend. Even though she didn’t love him he always made her feel like she could walk on water. Meanwhile Hope somehow always managed to make her feel as if she was some unwanted child. She never realized it until now how much she needed to be wanted. But apparently Alex isn’t done lecturing her.

“What is going to happen if you continue down this road? Shit’s going to hit the fan and who’s going to have to pick up the pieces?”

But at this point Kelley has had it with people telling her what to do and decides to fire back. “You know, all things considered at least Hope’s never condescended me like you and Ashlyn have today. For being my friends you sure haven’t shown it.” She decides she’s had enough and grabs her room key. “If you decide to just be my friend and realize that I’m just trying to make it through all this shit in one piece let me know.” Before Alex gets to say a word she runs out.

She has no idea where she’s going or what to do but she notices some of the staff in the lobby getting prepared for practice and decides to help them out. She ends up headed to the fields early with the staff which is perfect cause she doesn’t want to endure the looks she’ll get from Ashlyn or Alex on the bus. Apparently Kelley is really focused at helping them set up because they’re done with thirty minutes to spare. She grabs a few balls and practices shooting. It feels like years since she’s been alone with a ball and an empty field and an open net. She remembers how when she was in high school taking a ball to the fields near her house could be so therapeutic. She hears the bus roll up with the rest of the team and gathers all the balls and gets ready for hopefully a grueling practice.

\---  
The entire practice any chance Ali gets she looks toward the keepers training. Even after warning Ashlyn to cool it and to stay out of Kelley’s business she can tell by the way Ashlyn is staring Hope down that nothing is going to stop her from speaking her mind. Ashlyn’s always been protective of Kelley. She knows it still hurts Ash that Kelley felt like she couldn’t talk to her about what was going on last summer because Ashlyn was so invested in her instead. No matter how many times Ali tells her that it’s not her fault Ashlyn still feels like she needs to prove how good of a friend she can be to Kelley.

On the way back to the hotel she ends up so wrapped up in a conversation with HAO that she doesn’t notice Ashlyn following Hope out of the bus and into the hotel.

\---  
“Hope can we talk?” She hears a voice softly from beyond the music in her ears and turns around to find Ashlyn behind her.

“Sure,” she opens up the door to her room. “Carli said she had somewhere to go so we have the room for a bit.”

“Yeah I know,” Ashlyn says shortly. “I asked her to have a moment.”

Hope had noticed the looks Ashlyn was giving her at practice, she figured she was pissed about something to do with Ali but judging by the way Ashlyn was staring her down now she clearly thought wrong.

“So, what the fuck is your deal with Kelley? Did you forget that you left her, got married and guilted her into watching?” She steps closer to Hope aggressively. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Hope doesn’t know how to react. A part of her welcomes this, no one’s dared to say anything about it to her. She’s battered herself plenty about it, even if no one would believe her. Instead of saying that she steps one foot closer looking her square in the eye. “I don’t expect you understand the nature of our relationship. You’re overstepping.” 

“Really?” the other keeper broadens her shoulders like a bull ready for battle. “I understand damn well enough to know that fucking someone secretly in hotels and on ice machines is not a relationship. Who do you think you’re talking to?” And then Ashlyn surprises herself taking a step back shaking her head breathing deeply. “I get where you’re coming from Hope. I really do. I’m sure you know more than you pretend to about what happened between Ali and I last year.” Hope nods warily.

Ashlyn sits on her bed.

“I see the way you look at her Hope. It’s the same way I look at Ali. You love her and you can’t help it and it is killing you because you don’t know what to do with emotions that big, emotions that amazing and terrifying. I get that. And like you for a long time I didn’t know how to handle it and it almost ruined everything with her. Until someone came and knocked some sense into me. I didn’t come here to do that for you. Clearly I came with the intentions of knocking you to the floor you know,” she laughs awkwardly. Hope laughs too and decides to sit next to her. They’re somehow bonding over this. 

“I know. I get where you’re coming from as Kelley’s friend. I know I’ve been horrible to her. I want to make things better but-” she takes a look down at her wedding ring and sighs deeply, “things are more complicated than it was for you and Ali.”

Ashlyn shrugs. “Yeah well no one told you to get married,” she says jokingly yet seriously at the same time.

“Yeah, only I could manage something like that huh?” 

“Look, I can’t tell you what to do, but I know that Kelley deserves everything the universe has to offer. She’s not some consolation prize. She’s the fucking gold medal. And you can’t treat her that way unless you do two things: admit to her that you love her AND get a divorce. Saying you love her isn’t enough, it might seem enough at first but you’ll only hurt her more. You can’t have one without the other. If you can’t do that, you have to let her go.”

Hope knows she’s right, but before she can say anything her phone rings and it’s Jerramy. She silences her phone and sighs again. “It’s Jerramy. We’ve been fighting. He thinks I should be taking it easy still. That I shouldn’t have come up here.”

“Do you love him?”

“I do. But things are rough. He’s been talking about kids, about having a family. I think he’s nuts. The reason we work is cause he’s known me for so long, so well. But-” Hope takes a moment to debate whether she should continue being this honest with Ashlyn. “I can’t be a mother, who the fuck is he kidding? I thought he knew me and understood that. Even if I thought I was capable of doing that there’s no way in hell I would have a kid while I still played, especially this close to a World Cup.” Hope can’t believe what comes out her mouth next. “And to be honest, the thought of having something that connects me to him for the rest of my life is terrifying.” 

Ashlyn can’t believe she heard that last part either. She takes a moment to figure out how to respond when it hits her. “You don’t have to make a decision now, about anything. The last thing you should do is rush this. All of it. At the end of the day we all have to do what’s best for ourselves. Just please tell Kelley that you’re trying to figure your shit out. Don’t let her worry more than she needs to.” Hope nods her eyes looking more sincere than Ashlyn’s ever seen and feels the buzzing in her pocket for at least the tenth time. “My phone keeps on vibrating, Ali’s going to think I’m dead if I don’t answer her soon.”

“You’ll probably be dead anyways after she finds out where you’ve been,” Hope sneers. This was unexpectedly nice. Exactly what she’s needed. There’s just one thing that’s still on her mind. As Ashlyn gets up and heads for the door Hope asks one last thing of her. “So who was it that knocked that sense into you? Was it Engen?”

Ashlyn smiles and chuckles. “It was Kelley.”


	6. Can't You See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She turns back around and Kelley notices the wetness around her eyes. “This is all really complicated, and I know I did this to myself, and to you.” She puts a hand up to her eyes and looks outside again while she wipes away the tears. “I’m really confused about everything between what I feel for you and Jerramy...but what I do know is that I want to try and be friends with you again. At the end of the day that’s what I miss the most- our stupid friendship.” She looks at Kelley and starts laughing. “I know I sound ridiculous.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Experiencing writer's block. Sorry for the wait! Things are happening and I didn't intend for them originally but....oh well sorry im not sorry.

Ali and Becky are coloring in the lounge when Ashlyn walks in and taps on her girlfriend’s shoulder motioning to walk out with her. “Will you ever color anything else besides princesses? It’s getting kind of old.”

Ali punches her lightly on the shoulder. “Shut up. You know you love it.”

Once they turn the corner out of the lounge the blonde grabs her hand softly and brings it up to her lips. “Why of course, m’lady.”

Ashlyn knows Ali’s going to “yell” at her for ignoring her advice and is determined to get on her good side before that happens. Ali know’s exactly what she’s doing and it doesn’t faze her one bit. “I ran into Carli, I know you where you were.”

“Well I figured since you called me literally a million times,” Ashlyn scoffs dramatically. The lighter she can keep the conversation the better it will be. Ali crinkles her face in that way that makes Ashlyn melt inside. “I was worried! Just tell me what happened.”

They end up outside by the hotel pool by the time Ashlyn finishes telling her. Ali sticks her foot into the pool and kicks up a little water. Without looking up she says, “I’m going to be honest, I did not expect that story to end the way it did.” She looks up and smiles big. “I’m impressed. I think you genuinely got through to her. Who knew?”

Ashlyn chuckles sitting at the edge of the pool. “I sure as hell didn’t. I thought I was going to ram her to the floor at first.” Ali sits down next to her discretely putting her hand over her girlfriend’s. “Are you going to tell Kelley?”

Ashlyn furrows her brows. “I’m not sure. What if Hope decides to stick it out with Jerramy because of what I said?” This time Ali squeezes the blonde’s hand.

“Don’t be silly. It’s a marriage. Whether she stays with him or leaves won’t be an easy decision and what you said to her isn’t going to sway her into making one that isn’t right for her. You told her to do what’s best for her after all. It’s all we can do as humans. Everything else is uncontrollable. We can control what makes us happy, at least most of the time. If she decides what she had with Kelley is worth ending her marriage then she will. If not hopefully she’ll let Kelley be.” She kicks around some more water. “Look at all the crap we went through, in the end it worked out because it just had to.” Ashlyn moves her hand from from under Ali’s and brings her into a hug. “I hope so. Seeing Kelley sad is literally one of the most depressing things in the world and I would like to never witness that again.”

\---  
She see’s Alex standing there contemplating whether to join them or not. She’s tapping her foot anxiously as she’s waiting on the lunch line to get food. Kelley smirks to herself knowing how Alex loathes apologizing because in her eyes it always means that she’s lost something. And as everyone knows, Alex only likes to win. She plays around with her food still eyeing her best friend while Tobin is talking about some sort of French mishap she had in Paris when she feels a pinch on her arm. “Ow! Tobin!”

“Sorry but you’re not listening! I always listen to your crazy stories and pay attention at least ninety percent of the time.”

Kelley rolls her eyes, “More like eighty. But fine, I’m sorry. I’m all ears.” She sees Alex sit with Abby instead.

Tobin ends up stuffing the rest of her meal quickly into her mouth because she completely forgot she was supposed to meet Barnie to practice ping pong before the competition tomorrow. Kelley’s still playing with the asparagus on her plate that she knows she needs to eat before she gets up when she notices a shadow over her.

“I’m sorry,” the raspy voice says.

“Sorry? For what?” Kelley’s determined to milk this apology out of her.

Alex sits down in Tobin’s old seat and grabs Kelley’s face turning it toward her. “I’m sorry for overreacting. I just feel like we’re not as close as we used to be.”

The conversation isn’t going in the direction Kelley had hoped and instead of being serious she completely ignores the tone in Alex’s voice. “Don’t be such a drama queen. You know you’re my bestie.” Alex rolls her eyes. She knows she’s not going to get a real response from her freckled teammate and although it irks her she’s not in a position really to tell her off twice in one day. “Whatever. How about I make it up to you tonight? I’ll watch Glee with you.” Kelley squeals and Alex starts to backtrack. “Only two episodes. Tops. I didn’t kill a squirrel or anything.” Kelley kisses her cheek and hugs her. “We’ll see about that.”

\---  
On their way to practice that afternoon Kelley is shaking her head profusely to the new Daft Punk album when she realizes Hope is sitting next to her. She quickly takes her headphones off.

“What?”

“I was an asshole, I know. I’m sorry. Can we talk after practice?”

Kelley nods slightly. “Yeah. Just don’t try anything stupid.” Instead of responding Hope just smirks softly and leaves to join Carli in the back.

For the first hour of practice Kelley’s completely off her game. She wanted to talk to Hope on her _own_ terms. Not that she had any idea what she would say but at least _she_ would be the one setting the pace of the conversation.

“You okay Kel?” Ali hands her a water bottle while they take a break before doing a 5 v 5 scrimmage.

“Hope wants to talk after practice. I don’t know what to say.”

Ali puts on the light blue pinnie and hands another one to Kelley to put on. “Just be honest with her. As long as you tell her where you stand it’ll be okay.”

Kelley shrugs and starts laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation. “But I don’t know where I stand!”

Tom gives them a one minute warning before they need to get back on the pitch.

“Look Kel. You’re a good person, you’ll figure it out,” Ali says before turning to take her place on the field.

\---  
Kelley takes her time getting up when they reach the hotel after practice. She doesn’t want to look needy or something, waiting outside the bus for Hope to come out. She doesn’t want people to notice her waiting for Hope period. Hope acknowledges her as she passes her by walking out of the bus and they walk into the hotel together. “My room or yours?” Hope asks.

“Mine is fine.” She thinks about texting Ali but part of her hopes she’ll either be in there already or she’ll walk in on them talking. That way nothing she’ll regret can happen.

They reach Kelley’s room and Hope puts her bag down and sits on the bed with the stuffed squirrel on it. She grabs the squirrel and starts petting it weirdly and Kelley notices.

“Are you- are you nervous Hope?”

Hope immediately puts the squirrel back. “No,” she says, inhaling deeply. “I- I’m sorry. What I did last night was fucked up. To be honest I don’t know what got into me, that wasn’t what I ever intended, you have to believe me.”

Kelley grabs a bottle of water from her bag and sits on the opposite bed. She fiddles with the bottle cap, takes a swig of water before deciding to respond. “Well, I should hope so. Cause like, if you had wanted to...you know do that again with me knowing I was in a relationship... then that would be real fucked up. Especially cause you’re in one too.” Her voice gets louder, more powerful. “A marriage actually. That you made me attend.” She starts to feel her face get red. “What the fuck did you think, I’d just let you fuck me that easily cause I'm single suddenly?”

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Hope cuts in, calm all the nerves she expressed earlier gone. “Either way, it was wrong and I’m sorry for putting you in that position. I want to be honest with you Kelley. As best as I can, but it’s hard when there’s all this shit between us.”

Kelley throws the water bottle aggressively back into her bag. “Well then, just be honest with me, you know for once.”

Hope stands up quickly and for a second she thinks the keeper is going to walk out on her. Instead she walks toward the window and looks out watching the sunset.

“I care about you so much, Kel,” she begins. Now it’s clear to her why she’s standing away from her. Just like the last night they had together during the victory tour, Hope can only be this honest when she’s looking away. “I kept on telling myself in the beginning that we needed to stop fooling around because it would ruin our friendship eventually. And it did. I miss so many things about you but at the end of the day what I miss the most is our friendship.”

She turns back around and Kelley notices the wetness around her eyes. “This is all really complicated, and I know I did this to myself, and to you.” She puts a hand up to her eyes and looks outside again while she wipes away the tears. “I’m really confused about everything between what I feel for you and Jerramy...but what I do know is that I want to try and be friends with you again. At the end of the day that’s what I miss the most- our stupid friendship.” She looks at Kelley and starts laughing. “I know I sound ridiculous.”

Kelley stands up and joins her by the window still trying to process all that she’s said. “No you don’t. I’m confused too, Hope. But feelings aside I miss our stupid friendship too. And I’d really like to try, you know, being friends with you again.”

“Feelings aside?” Hope asks.

“Well-”

“You still-”

“Yes.”

She doesn’t need to say it outloud, that she still loves her.

“Whatever is going on in your marriage...you need to figure that out first, I think.” Kelley’s winging it really. “I don’t know much, but I know that. And while I’d like to be friends with you again I can’t help you figure that part out, you need to do that separate from me.”

“I know, Kel. I’m not stupid.”

“Tell you what, how about when we meet up to play Korea in two weeks we be table tennis partners? Alex will forgive me, probably.”

“No she won’t.” Hope finally smiles big for the first time since they started talking. She heads to her bag at the end of the bed and whips it over her shoulder. She steps forward as if she’s going to hug Kelley but stops herself instead. “If I don’t see you before I leave tomorrow, good luck against Canada. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

\---  
“Okay so is he a guy or a girl? I don’t get it.”

Kelley’s forced Alex to watch a third episode of Glee and after wondering for all three episodes what the fuck this Wade character was she finally asked.

“She’s a she. Gender isn’t absolute, some people chose to use different pronouns from the ones they’re given at birth. And if they say their pronoun is ‘she’ then that’s all there really is to it.”

“You took one women’s studies class like what, three years ago and you act like you’ve got your doctorate in gay theory or something.”

“It’s called queer theory technically,” Kelley sits up straight and brushes the side of her shoulder, “And I took two classes on gender and sexuality, thank you very much.”

“Ugh, I’d rather continue watching than listen to you right now, jerk.” Alex grabs the remote and puts the volume up louder drowning out Kelley’s fake cries.

The episode finally ends to Alex’s pleasure and she finally feels like she can ask all the invasive questions she had been waiting to ask about Hope for nearly three hours.

“I saw her walk into your room, what did she say? Did she apologize?” Alex is talking really quickly like she needs to get all her questions out at once and it throws Kelley off slightly. Alex’s room isn’t even on her floor so why would she be on it?

“Woah calm down there. She apologized for being an asshole and like, I don’t know, said she had lots of shit to figure out between her and Jerramy, but she wants to try and be my friend?”

Alex gives her a sassy glare. “Friend? Really...”

“Yes, really. Come on Alex, what’s gotten into you lately?”

Alex ignores the last part and continues with her own questions. “Do you want to be friends with her though? You’re still in love with her though right?”

“I guess? It’s complicated. It was an oddly mature conversation. We both agreed she needs to figure out her shit with Jerramy first. And while that happens we’ll try and be friends. By the way I told her she can be my ping pong partner when we play Korea.”

“What? You’re kidding me.” Alex falls back into the bed her head in the pillows and Kelley thinks she’s purposely being dramatic at first until she speaks again. Her voice is muffled by the pillows but Kelley here’s her just fine. “Jeez she’s nice to you for all of two seconds and you’re already replacing me.”

“Alex, are you serious?” She shoves Alex slightly trying to get her to turn around. “What is going on?”

Unluckily Alex’s phone goes off and she gets up quickly after reading the message on her screen. “I have to go, sorry.”

“Really, Lex?”

“Yes, really.”

\---  
When Kelley and Press are done embarrassing themselves for Heif’s stupid video she notices all the missed calls on her phone from Alex. She hits redial and waits until she hears a raspier voice than usual on the other end. “I thought you were ignoring me.”

“I was shooting a Studio 90 video with Press, sorry. Have you been crying?”

“No, I just woke up from a nap,” Alex says shortly. “Do you want to get dinner?”

“Sorry, I already have plans with Press, she made reservations at some nice place downtown.” She can sense Alex about to freak out on her again. “How about breakfast tomorrow?” she adds.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you.” Before she can answer back the line is dead.

Kelley gives her phone a weird look that makes Christen laugh. “Who was that?”

“Alex. Something is up with her, she’s been acting weird.”

“Like you weird, or like strange weird?” Kelley scowls and Christen laughs.

“Like strange weird. I dunno, I’m getting breakfast with her tomorrow, I’m sure it’s not a big deal.”

At dinner Alex keeps on bombarding her phone with text messages. Kelley is trying to be polite and ignore her phone while they eat. When Christen gets up to use the restroom she answers all the unread messages.

> **Alex 6:30PM:** I don’t get why you’re getting food with her when you hung out with her all day.  
>  **Alex 6:47PM:** We barely talk anymore. You’d rather hang out with anyone but me.  
>  **Alex 6:55PM:** Did I do something to piss you off?  
>  **Alex 7:07PM:** Well???
> 
> **Kelley 7:15PM:** I’m at dinner, I don’t want to be rude. You haven’t done anything to piss me off but you’re starting to...I’ll come by your room later if you stop being an ass.

She sees the Alex has read the text almost immediately when Christen sits back down. “You’re making that face at your phone again, Alex?”

“Yeah, she’s acting oddly possessive over me.” Kelley shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk about, let’s just finish our food before it gets cold.”

When they reach the hotel a half hour later she notices Hope’s packing her bags into the back of a taxi. She motions to Press to keep walking and Press gives her a weary look but just waves at Hope and continues on in.

Kelley picks up her last bag and puts it into the trunk. “You packed a lot of shit for four days.”

“Well I’m going to DC for the centennial gala before I go back to Seattle so you can wipe that smirk off your face.” She closes the trunk and faces Kelley, opening her arms and Kelley obliges. It’s a small hug but she can already feel the weight of their emotions for each other start to take over her and thanks god they're in public. "See you soon.”

“Have fun at the gala! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t dooo!” Kelley jokes.

She steps into the cab but before she closes the door she gives her trademark smile. “I’ll try my best.”

\---  
Before she heads up to Alex’s room she goes to the vending machine and gets ice cream sandwiches. Whatever is up with Alex this should make it at least marginally better. And if not at least she’ll be eating ice cream while she gets yelled at this time.

She hesitantly knocks on Alex’s door, part of her hoping she’s not there mostly so she can eat both ice cream sandwiches. Instead the door opens and Alex lets her in. She shows her what she brought. “I don’t know what I did to upset you so much Lex, but I hope this helps.” Alex smiles at her for the first time all camp and they quietly sit on opposite beds and eat their child snacks.

After a few minutes Kelley decides to break the silence. “Okay, spill.” Alex groans and lets herself fall into the bed. She mumbles something into the pillow. “I can’t hear you, you know that right?”

Alex continues to talk into the pillow instead. This time louder. “Your life isn’t the only one that’s complicated.”

“Okay? I never said it-”

“My life blows too and you’d see it if you took your head out of Hope’s ass.”

“Are you kidding me? Cut this shit out, the dramatics was kind of cute at first but now it’s just annoying-”

“Servando and I broke up.” Alex finally looks up from the pillow she was hiding in and see’s Kelley’s mouth wide open.

“What, when?”

“A month ago I think.”

“You mean a month ago when I was in Portland? And you didn’t say anything? What the fuck, Alex?”

“You never asked!”

Kelley takes a moment to gather her thoughts and look back. Maybe she has been a little self-centered lately. This is an odd feeling and she doesn’t know how to wrap herself around it.

“I’m sorry Alex. I guess I haven’t been a good friend lately.” She moves Alex’s long legs and places herself under them. “Tell me what happened.”

“I thought being in Portland and him being in Seattle would be good for us, but it wasn’t. We thought it was close enough but it turned out to feel more like a burden. For so long he’s been the one that’s been my rock and always got me but I don’t know what happened. Things changed and I guess I changed and he didn’t like it.” She sits up on the bed, her legs still on top of Kelley. “We tried to keep things like they were before the Olympics but we both refused to admit that things were changing until it was too late. I think he just expected both of us to struggle for a while together but instead I rose and he didn’t. And I know he’s happy for me but I’m the poster child for our league and meanwhile like three players on the Sounders had to get injured for him to consistently get time. I’m just under so much pressure and he didn’t get it. No one does.”

Kelley grabs Alex’s hand and squeezes tightly. She may have been a crappy friend lately but she knows when her best friend has more to say.

“Portland’s been great to be in. But it’s not been what I expected. I feel like everyone on the team thinks I’m this entitled bitch and refuse to see where I’m coming from. People expected us to be a powerhouse and steamroll over everyone and we haven’t even come close to that. We’re all friends but we’re all not close really, everyone just tip toes around me, even Allie. I get that I need to be reeled in sometimes but everyone’s afraid to do it and I can’t help myself sometimes. I’m trying but it isn’t enough.” She falls back into the bed and covers her face with her hands.

Kelley moves from under Alex’s legs and lays next to her. She grabs one of her hands from her face and puts it around her arms and snuggles into her and Alex starts laughing. “You’re supposed to be comforting me jerk.”

“But I’m the smaller one! I think I’m doing a great job from here.” Alex starts patting her head.

“Lex, it’s going to be okay. I’m sorry about you and Serv, I know he’s like family to you. And your teammates, I dunno to be honest. Have you talked to Buehler? I feel like if you tell her to let you know when to cool it she will. If anyone can get you back to ground it’s her. And Tobin will be there soon enough.”

“I wish you were in Portland with me.”

Kelley squeezes her. “Nah, you need to come to New York. I didn’t tell you about this hot blonde girl I hooked up with last week? It was awesome.” Alex gives her a look. “There are also plenty of cute guys too I guess.”

“Sometimes I swear you’re gayer than you let on.”

Kelley sits up feigning being offended. “Hey now, I’m an equal opportunity dater. But some days I guess I can be a little bit gayer. Sue me.” Alex drags her back down and tickles her until Kelley nearly elbows her in the face. They both can barely breathe from how hard they are laughing.

“Thanks for listening to me Kel.”

“Anytime, you know that.”  
\---  
Alex is in a much better mood the next day and before she knows it it’s Sunday and time to play. Tom had already told her he wanted her to rest her ankle a bit more and wanted to give Crystal a try at left back. Though she was disappointed, she remembers how important those first few games for her as rookie were and knows that this is the perfect time for girls like her to get time on the field. She’s more than willing to play her part from the sidelines, at least until they’re out on the pitch and the Canadian supporters are being rowdy. Kelley would give just about anything to be on the field and help her team shut them up. Alex scores two clinical goals, and then Sydney gets the final say and Kelley wishes she could run on field and shush the crowd with her.

The next morning at the airport she makes sure to give Alex the biggest hug she possibly can. “I promise not to be a stranger these next two weeks.” She swears she feels Alex smell her hair.

“You better not or I’m gonna come after you O’Hara.” She pats her freckled friend on the head and walks toward her terminal.

For some reason the airline they’re using doesn’t fly to Europe from Toronto so Tobin is on Kelley’s flight to New York. She bribes a lady with one of her gossip magazines so that they can sit next to each other, even though it’s really not that long of a flight. “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t see each other too often and she’s flying off to France...”

She keeps on pretending to read her own magazine but instead finds herself looking over Tobin’s shoulder to see what she’s doing on her iPad. She hates when people do that do her but she can’t really help herself and Tobin notices. “Do you want my iPad or something?”

“No uhh, I’m just wondering why you’re reading the bible on it when you have like four real copies.”

“I’ve been reading different versions, my entire life I’ve been reading basically the same Bible, but there are so many different versions, with completely different chapters. I figure why is the one I’ve been reading all this time better than the others? So far it’s been great, I’m reading these entirely different perspectives on God. It’s really enlightening. Here, read this. It’s from the Book of Wisdom.”

> Indeed, before you the whole universe is like a grain from a balance,  
>  or a drop of morning dew come down upon the earth.  
>  But you have mercy on all, because you can do all things;  
>  and you overlook sins for the sake of repentance.  
>  For you love all things that are  
>  and loathe nothing that you have made;  
>  for you would not fashion what you hate.  
>  How could a thing remain, unless you willed it;  
>  or be preserved, had it not been called forth by you?  
>  But you spare all things, because they are yours,  
>  O Ruler and Lover of souls.

“Wow, that’s kind of perfect. Why can’t this be what the entire Bible is like?”

Tobin knows it’s more of rhetorical question and just shrugs. She can tell by the way Kelley is touching her hair that something is on her mind.

“What’s up with you?”

“Has Alex been weird with you too this week?”

“She told me you guys talked about-” Tobin starts.

“Yeah she finally told me about Servando. But I dunno, she’s been acting up strange. When did she tell you?”

“We skyped a few weeks ago and she told me about it. I think it was after you had just left Portland. She was really upset about everything but I dunno, she didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”

“What do you mean? Nothing’s changed between us.”

Tobin smirks and goes back to reading her Bible. “Details, O’Hara. You really miss them sometimes huh?”

“What do you mean?” Kelley is beyond confused now.

“This is all I’m going to say, because it’s really not my place. Just think back on everything, read between the lines a little bit. You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bible chapter is from the Book of Wisdom 11:22-26


	7. For Sentimental Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is always there when Kelley needs to talk about Hope, but each time she hears her name it crushes her more. Kelley is completely in love and refuses to admit. The way she strings together the four letters of the keeper’s name, so full of longing and care it’s impossible to miss. And that makes Alex’s disappointment turn into hatred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever! I hope eight thousand words makes up for it!

“You’re kidding, right?”

Kelley looks at her camera shaking her head profusely.

“You’re seriously _just_  figuring this out?”

The woman on her computer starts howling in laughter.

“Cool your jets, Press. I can’t be perfect at everything you know.”

Christen can’t stop laughing. “I just, I really thought you knew this entire time.”

“Well I didn’t! How was I supposed to know she _liked_  me in that way when she’s been with Servando for literally half a decade? She’s like one of the straightest girls I know.”

She receives a pointed look. “Do you not remember what happened between you two the night after winning gold or did you black out everything except for the part where Hope showed you how great she really is with her hands?”

Kelley starts to blush, thinking back to that night. And then it hits her. “Ohhhhh. We drunkenly kissed, right?”

Christen mouths a large ‘wow’ turning her head as if there was someone there with her to join in her shock. “More like you sucked each other’s faces off. I’m surprised random photos didn’t show up on the internet the next day. It was dis-gus-ting. That was the original reason why Hope took you back up to your room, supposedly. Who knew that turned her on.”

Kelley’s face burns even redder. Now she remembers, well, kind of. There was a lot of tequila that night.

Completely ignoring her she hears Christen typing something fiercely on her laptop. “Here, watch this. My mom literally sent me every video you guys were in after you won gold. She lived vicariously through your interviews.”

Kelley clicks the link and it’s an interview Alex and her did probably the day after they won. She can’t believe it. The sexual tension is so obvious. The way Alex is licking her lips and staring at Kelley’s mouth. She really should have seen this coming a mile away. If it hadn’t been for Hope she probably would have.

It’s like Christen knew all the way from Sweden where her head was at. “See? Maybe if you hadn’t been so obsessed with Hope’s abs you would have noticed how Alex wanted to jump you then and there. And honestly, judging by where your eyes are for most of the video you did too.”

Kelley doesn’t really know what to say. Yes, she’s always found Alex attractive. But they’re best friends. They’ve been best friends for what feels like forever. And even if she did like her in that way, Alex was all about Servando all the time. At least, she was sure of that before Hope. But since the Olympics she doesn’t remember having one conversation with Alex about Serv...

“When it comes to Hope I’ve really had some strong tunnel vision huh?”

Press grins sheepishly.

“Dammit Press! Why didn’t you stop me from becoming like this?!”

“Excuse me, I was unaware that was under my job description!”

“Actually I’m pretty sure a good friend would let me know I was being a jerk.”

“Okay. Well Kelley, you have been a jerk. A huge, giant jerk. Better?”

She sees the soft look of sadness in her friend’s eyes and starts to take it back.

“Kelley. The woman you loved was putting you through hell so I kind of get why you didn’t see it. If Hope Solo thought I was hot I’d probably forget how to exist as a human being too.”

Kelley sulks and puts her face in her palms, groaning loudly.

“What the hell am I supposed to do? Do I talk to her about this?”

“Well now that you’ve finally figured it out maybe talk to Tobin? Alex has clearly talked to her about it. But I have to go, it’s past my bedtime.”

“How do you sleep when it’s still sunny out?”

Christen shrugs and puts her computer to the side of her bed, lays beside it and yawns. “I dunno, you just get used to it. See you, KO.”

“Byeeeeeee.”

She closes Christen’s face from her screen and notices Tobin’s still on skype. She sends her a message.

> **Kelley:** tobbbyyy. please tell me you are actually online.

It takes a few minutes but she finally sees the blue icon on her dock bounce.

> **Tobin:** yeah dude. can’t sleep. time changes are stupid.  
>  **Kelley:** can i see your face?!? :):):)  
>  **Tobin:** yea just let me like, idk turn a light on or somethin

A few moments later she has a message to start video chatting.

“Tobbbbby!”

Tobin does not look as excited as she does.

“Dude, we saw each other like three days ago.”

“Never enough Toby in my life, you know that. So...I figured out what you meant. About Alex.”

Tobin sits up straight in her bed. “Continue...”

It’s obvious Tobin wants to make sure they’re on the same page.

“Alex is like, in love with me or something. Right?”

“Or something...” Tobin starts, but Kelley interrupts her.

“What do I do?”

“The first thing I would suggest... is telling me how you feel about her?” Tobin says matter of factly.

All this freaking out about Alex having feelings for her and she hasn’t even bothered to think about that for one second.

“I don’t know Tobs. She’s Alex. Of course I love her. Did I stare at that Sports Illustrated spread a little longer than I probably should have? Yes, but who didn’t?”

“I’m going to refrain from answering that.”

“Hope’s fucked my head up so much Tobin. I’m so used to having these feelings attached to sex and her that I don’t even know what it’s like to just be attracted to someone.”

“Not even Danny?” Tobin asks.

“He was attractive and a nice guy, but like...I dunno. Nothing compared to what I felt with Hope. Not even close.”

“I don’t know dude. Maybe just feel things out when we meet up again to play Korea? We’re gonna be together for like two weeks basically.” Tobin’s voice starts to get serious. “Be careful though, if you mess this up you might ruin your friendship. All three of ours. There’s no way I’m getting out of this alive if you mess this up Kelley.”

“Hey there! I won’t be an asshole to her. At least now that I know why she’s been so weird around me lately.”

“Just don’t like, you now, lead her on. Try and be less touchy feely. You guys have always been weird like that.”

“I’m touchy feely with everyone, even you!”

She receives a pointed look for the second time that night. Honestly Kelley has never really thought about it. But now that she thinks back on it judging by the way they act sometimes it’s a miracle no one’s mistaken them for a couple before.

“What if she notices I’m actively trying not to touch her? Shouldn’t I just be the way I always am? What if Hope breaks up with Jerramy, what the fuck do I do then?”

“Woah there, one thing at a time.” Tobin looks like she wants to come through the screen and knock some sense into her old friend. “Even if Hope leaves Jerramy and says she wants to be with you, just think about her actions. I would never say anything bad about her but...just think of the past eight or so months. About what she’s done versus what she’s said. Do you really think she’s changed enough to really _be_  with you? From the outside it seems like she does a lot of apologizing and not a lot of doing better. When it comes to you at least.”

As much as Kelley hates to admit it, Tobin is right. Just this past week alone Hope kept on apologizing meanwhile pulling almost exactly the same crap she did six months ago.

“Do you remember who was there for you when Hope left you? Who made sure you were never alone for weeks? Alex knew you didn’t feel the same way, yet she put your heart ahead of hers and made sure your head was above water. Honestly, I don’t know how she made it this long without cracking earlier.”

“How was I supposed to know though? She had a BOYFRIEND the entire time!”

“How was she supposed to tell the guy she’s been with for six years that she was in love with her best friend?”

Kelley looks at her exasperatedly.

“Kelley,” Tobin is starting to get irate with her as well, “How long did it take you again to tell Danny about Hope? And you haven’t even known him that long!”

“Fine, fine! I get it. You’re right. I just-” Kelley unties her hair and starts playing with it. “I don’t know how to deal with all this. I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Whatever happens in this weird love triangle of yours, someone is gonna get hurt regardless. The best you can do is be honest and true to yourself. Things will work out the way they’re supposed to.” Tobin gives her a reassuring smile that warms her heart even an ocean away.

“I hope so Toby. Can you at least promise to not tell her I know? I’m gonna spend the next ten or so days doing a lot of introspection I guess.”

“No worries dude. I’m gonna hit the hay tho. See ya.”

“Bye, Tobin. Thanks for dealing with me tonight. You’re the best.”

“I know. Peace.”

\---

Unsurprisingly, she probably should have said she'd be making bad decisions instead.

After practice that next day on a whim she texts the blond, Alicia, to see if she wants to grab a drink that night. She needs something to get her mind off of Alex and Hope. Of course Alicia says yes and before she realizes it they are several shots of tequila in and hands are everywhere that they shouldn’t be. This time they end up at her apartment, clothes flying in every direction before they even reach her bedroom.

Alicia’s on top of her biting her neck and slowly working her way down her body. They’ve been teasing each other for a while now and she knows the blond can’t help herself much longer, she sees in her eyes how much she wants her. And for the first time, it’s Alex’s face who she sees in her mind just as the blond’s face is between her legs. It’s Alex, not Hope who she wishes were there instead. And for reasons she’s not sure of, tonight she’s glad it’s the forward’s, not the keeper’s. But most importantly, she’s glad it’s her because of how she begins to scream Alex’s name when she keels over in ecstasy, quickly elongating the “Al” into “Alicia”, a recovery that would not have been possible if it were the other way around.

She tries to make up for it when it’s her turn to return the favor but she knows by the way that the blond sneaks out of her room a few hours later that she probably won’t ever see her again and that she’ll forever be known to her group of friends as an Olympian who sucks in bed. But that’s the least of her problems.

\---

When she wakes up in the morning she notices she has a text from Alex. It’s a picture of a book, one of Foucault’s History of Sexuality. The caption reads “so if I read this will I be on your level?” She remembers reading a few excerpts of his book and thinking that she should actually read the entire thing one day. She responds back quickly, “You can try Morgan but you’ll never top me.” She hits send before she realizes the innuendo she may have implied in that text and curses out loud. Hopefully Alex doesn’t get it.

She completely forgets about the text until she checks her phone again during Sky Blue’s lunch break and sees Alex’s name on her phone.

“Wow that is literally the gayest thing you have ever said to me.”

She doesn’t know what to say back. She keeps on typing and deleting halfway through her sentences. After her fourth attempt she realizes she’s having this much trouble responding because she’s _nervous_ about what to say back. Not nervous because she knows she needs to tread lightly with Alex, nervous because she wants Alex to like her response.

She must have a weird look on her face because Pearcie taps her on the shoulder. “You alright O’Hara? You look like you’re thinking pretty hard there.”

She quickly puts away her phone and tries to act normal (try being the operative word). “Oh yeah you know, silly ol’ me. Nothing actually important.” Reece is at the practice fields with them today. Christie’s usual sitter is sick and she didn’t have enough time to call another person to take over. “Can you take her for a little bit? I need a bit of a break.”

Kelley smiles wide as she opens her arms and embraces her tiny friend.

They’re playing some sort of made up game with her stuffed animals and for some reason Kelley starts talking to Reece like she’s two decades older than she really is.

She bends down and grabs one of the animals, it’s worn and torn, she sees the places where Christie’s tried to patch it up to no avail. “So. If you had to pick between two different animals...” The toddler starts reaching for it but Kelley just brings it up higher.

“One that you’ve loved for a long time, but things get bad and no matter how hard you try to fix it it just doesn’t work. Or...” she picks up another animal, a monkey, one she’s seen in Reece’s toy bag before she rarely ever sees her play. But every time Christie tries to leave it out of her collection she has a fit.

“Or one that you’ve had for a while that you love, not in the same way you love the other, but after all this time it’s still perfect and has never done anything wrong to you?” Reece stares at her blankly. Kelley moves her hands high just out of the toddler’s reach.

“So, which one do you pick?”

The toddler steps forward, picks both her hands up attempting to grab both but instead trips and falls on her face. Kelley hears laughter from behind her. Her captain sweeps in quickly to grab her fallen child and starts bouncing her. “Wow Kelley, that might just be the worst analogy I have ever heard. Thank goodness she can’t understand you.”

Kelley stands up handing Christie the two toys not daring to look her in the eyes because of how red her face feels. “I didn’t realize you were behind me...”

Christie cackles again and pats her on the head. “Never change, Kelley.” She starts to walk away but stops, contemplates, and turns back around. “Things will work out the way they’re supposed to, don’t worry too much about it.”

Kelley stands there dumbfounded. She can pretend like Pearcie was just being vague and has no idea what she’s actually worried about but it’s her _job_  to know that everyone on the team is okay. Just cause she doesn’t butt in on everyone’s personal matters doesn’t mean she isn’t aware of it. Her phone buzzes and it gets her out of the trance. It’s a picture from Ashlyn of the donuts she’s eating for lunch.

“jelly???” Ashlyn’s probably proud of her donut pun and quickly Kelley types out a response.

“You know we practice 5 mins from a dunkin? I can go right now and buy every donut they have.” She taps on her phone to get back to her conversation with Alex and sends back the most normal response she can muster. “i’m like 90% sure i’ve said worse.”

After their afternoon weight training session she ends up going to Dunkin Donuts and her favorite employee is there. He always gives her munchkins for free. Instead of sending Ashlyn a photo back she decides to call her on her drive back home. They got out later than usual today so her drive back into Brooklyn is probably going to take a while.

“Yoooo playa! Que pasa!” Ashlyn’s greetings are always unique.

“Hey girl! I’m driving back home from practice, eating a donut thanks to you asshole. What’s up?”

“I’m watching some TLC, waiting for Ali to get home from the store, she wants to make some fancy ass dinner tonight.”

Kelley wants to talk to her about Alex but doesn’t really know how to bring it up. So she just stays on the line awkwardly waiting for Ashlyn to say something.

“Um...so did you call me for a reason KO? Or just to tell me about your donut?”

“Yeah. Um. So. Do you know about Alex’s...thing?”

“You mean how she wants to bone you?”

Kelley almost veers out of her lane. “That’s one way to put it. I just kind of figured it out and I dunno what to do.”

“Wow Kel, you’re special. I figured you were ignoring her because of Hope. But, are you into her like that?”

“I don’t know,” she begins, “But I think I made things worse last night by sleeping with some girl. We got drunk and she came over and then when she was, you know, doing her thing I started picturing Alex instead of her and it got awkward.”

Ashlyn starts cackling.

“Stop asshole, I’m having some real issues here!”

“I’m just laughing cause that’s totally something I would have done back in the day. Just bury myself in more women, literally. Who knew you had this in you, playa.”

“Ash, we both know thats not true.” Kelley scoffs.

“Whatever. My advice Kel? I say go for it. Alex um...isn’t a bad kisser. You should definitely try it.”

“Are you joking me? You guys hooked up??? I knew you had a thing for her but I never thought-”

“We just drunkenly made out once and she freaked out cause you know, my name’s not Servando. And cause I’m a girl. But it was totally worth it.” Kelley can feel Ashlyn’s bravado through the phone. “I talked her through it and it was alright really. We went back to being the same flirty, teasing way we’ve always been.”

“This was before Ali right?”

“Yeah well, kind of. It was when we played on the Flash and I was pretending that I wasn’t in love with Ali and making out with everything short of a tree.”

“And now you pack Ali lunch everyday. Who would’ve thought.”

“Not me, for sure. I dunno, when you meet the right person and when _someone_ makes you realize they’re the best thing you’ll ever have, you get your shit together.”

“I’m such a good friend aren’t I?”

“The greatest.”

\---

In between practices and lifts and sprints her mind goes through every interaction she can remember between her and Alex. How she recalls all those moments her deep eyes would linger, how her touches lasted just a few seconds longer than they should. Trying to figure out when they became more than just really good friends. Kelley’s always been touchy feely, but it’s rarely reciprocated in the same way. Meanwhile her new friendship with Hope feels like a breath of fresh air. It was awkward at first, texting every now and then about training but soon it was just like old times, exchanging silly little nuances of their days with each other. It was nice. At least until she was alone in bed wondering if she should say something more.

Sky Blue couldn’t be more off beat when they play the Flash and lose 3-0 and instead of being ecstatic about spending time with the national team she’s worried. Now she has the emotions of two of the teams stars weighing on her and she has no idea what to do with either of them.

\---

The minute she walks into the lounge and sees the way Kelley’s pupils dilate she realizes her cover is blown.

_'Fuck.'_

Alex tries to keep her cool, starting to hug everyone in the room. She’s a few bodies away from Kelley when she chickens out and says she forgot her phone upstairs and gallops away. By the time she gets back to her room she’s out of breath, not because of her sprinting but because of the panic attack she’s having. No amount of preparation could have readied her for this. To deal with Kelley knowing how she really felt about her. The nausea is almost unbearable.

She turns on the tv and sees the first Harry Potter movie is on. When she sits down she notices she’s still out of breath so she lays down, taking deep breaths, trying to calm her mind. She starts doing visualizations, picturing waves swaying up and down the coast. Up and down, up...down. But slowly her mind replaces them with freckles.

* * *

She’s not sure when it happened honestly, when she fell in love with Kelley O’Hara. When she started seeing Kelley in her head as she fell asleep. Not exactly sure when she started counting the freckles on her face when instead of paying attention when they watched Glee.

All she really knows, all she truly remembers is that one morning in the end of August when just the two of them went out surfing. When they were both sitting on their boards, what felt like miles away from the coast, taking in the morning sun and the ocean’s breath. Away from the rest of the world. That’s when she realized these palpitations couldn’t be blamed it on Olympic euphoria anymore. She still felt this enamored because of Kelley.

When they finally made their way back to shore she had her mind set on saying something, on testing the waters between them. Alex doesn’t have the guts to talk to her face so while she packs her things into the back of Kelley’s Civic she speaks up. “I’m really glad we got to have this moment.” She doesn’t get an answer and looks over to see Kelley fiddling with her phone trying to get a picture of the beach. “Instagram?” she asks a bit louder.

Kelley shakes her head. “Hope. She’s doing some promos for her book somewhere in the midwest. I need to make her jealous.”

_'Hope.'_

The morning goofing around and taking in each wave with Kelley somehow made her completely forget about Hope Solo. She sighs and closes the trunk a bit harder than she should.

The morning after they won gold Kelley came storming into her room to talk. She thought it would be about their bout of tonsil hockey but every other word out of Kelley’s mouth was ‘Hope’. And that’s basically how it’s been for the past month. Every time Alex tries to talk about it, any time she gets the courage to somehow Hope’s name enters the conversation.

Although Kelley refuses to admit it she can see how her thing with Hope is more than just friends with benefits. She can see each day how much harder Kelley falls for her. It’s easy to be okay with it when she sees them together and how elated Kelley is. _‘As long as Kelley’s happy, I can be happy for her. And them.’_   She starts telling herself that the first time Hope stays with them in LA and she has to drown out their moans from next door with her TV.

She feels the weight of Kelley on her back and is pushed back into reality. And her car. “I said let’s go Morgan!! Where the hell were you?” She forces Kelley off her back and heads toward the passenger seat.

“I just spaced out for a bit. I’m hungry though so let’s get back home.”

They start driving to their apartment, which is only a fifteen minute drive. They sit in a peaceful silence listening to music. Alex tries hard to focus on the scenery and not on Kelley’s incredible jawline. They’re at a stoplight when Kelley taps her on her thigh softly. She has a huge grin on her face. “I’m glad we got to hang out too.”

Alex smiles back but quickly turns to look out the window.

\---

For the rest of August and most of September Alex’s mantra works well. She finally tells Tobin what’s going on and she agrees, that as long as Kelley’s happy she needs to find a way to be happy as well. “Besides, I’m sure it’ll go away Lex. Don’t mess up what you have with Servando over a crush.”

But it doesn’t. And it doesn’t help that Hope starts to fuck with Kelley’s emotions. Kelley tries not to express how it hurts her but after months of memorizing every detail of her freckled face Alex can always tell when Hope has done something. At first it’s small things, Hope not answering her texts, or ignoring her at practices. But late into September when Hope starts acting more erratic toward Kelley, others on the team start to notice Kelley’s change in demeanor. And that’s when her mantra really stops working.

Alex is always there when Kelley needs to talk about Hope, but each time she hears her name it crushes her more. Kelley is completely in love and refuses to admit. The way she strings together the four letters of the keeper’s name, so full of longing and care it’s impossible to miss. And that makes Alex’s disappointment turn into hatred.

She hates how Hope’s name has gone from a name she used to be grateful to hear to a name she absolutely dreaded. A name that she admired. This name riddled with optimism and happiness now drowns her in sorrow and anger. She feels betrayed by Hope.

“She’s going to break Kelley’s heart Tobin, I just know it.”

They’re in her hotel room playing monopoly deal. It’s a few days before Pia’s last game and Tobin’s been warned by Kelley to stay out of their room that night.

“Alex, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t think it’s fair to Kelley that you want her to end things because of how you feel for her. Kelley’s an adult. She needs to make her own mistakes.”

Alex’s hand start to sweat.

“But--”

“Lex, I know it hurts but if she wanted to be with you, she would.”

She can now feel her face getting red.

“So you think it’s healthy for Hope to treat her like shit?”

“I didn’t say th--”

She throws her cards on the floor. “It’s fucked up Tobin! Hope doesn’t deserve her!”

Tobin gets off the bed to pick up the cards. Alex can tell she’s pissed too. “Alex, we don’t deserve anything in this life. Nothing is our God-given right.”

The tanned girl notices the tears falling from Alex’s eyes and changes her tone, pulling her into a hug.

“Look, it would be awesome if my two best friends in the world were in love. I wish it were like that, but it’s not the reality. Just like you didn’t choose to fall for Kelley, she didn’t choose to fall for Hope.”

Alex squeezes her lanky friend tighter.

“For what it’s worth Lex, I don’t think what they’re doing is healthy either. And I think Kelley will realize that soon enough.”

What Tobin said last becomes her new mantra until they get back to LA. Kelley is more down than usual and Alex tries to ignore it. Talking about her problems with Hope has become emotionally exhausting. But seeing Kelley this sad hurt her as well, so she finally gives in and asks what’s wrong.

“We decided to end things.”

They’re on the couch watching television. Alex grabs the remote, lowers the volume and reaches out to grab Kelley’s hand.

“She said she’s a mess and can’t handle being more serious with me. That she’ll just end up hurting me more.”

“Are you alright?”

“I dunno. On one hand I think she just doesn’t see herself the way I see her, I think if we tried we could make it work. But on the other hand, this past month she’s been a real bitch.”

Kelley grabs the remote and turns the volume back up.

“It was probably better when we were just friends. So we’re gonna try and go back to that.”

Alex moves her hand up and around Kelley’s shoulder. “You know I’m here for you no matter what right?”

Kelley scoots over and lets herself be embraced.

“I know, Lex. You’re the best.”

They stay like that for the rest of the night until Kelley falls asleep.

A few weeks later Sydney is in town with Hope and the three of them go out to one of their sponsor’s events. It’s easier to be around Hope now that she knows they’re not together. Until she notices the giant ring on her finger.

“Is that what I think it is?” Alex asks masking her anger with curiosity.

Hope just smiles and turns to Sydney who responds. “I know!! Hope’s engaged!”

They have celebratory drinks, and more drinks as Hope tells her the story, about how her and Jerramy have known each other forever but in August started seeing each other causally. Alex notices how she stresses that last word. Hope knows Alex knew what was going on and she’s sure that in Hope’s mind saying that makes her actions with Kelley justified.

Alex decides it’s time to drink something more potent instead.

Frankly she doesn’t care and is glad Hope is going off to get married until she realizes how it’s going to affect Kelley.

The next day she forces Tobin to go grocery shopping with her so she can tell her what she found out. They’re in the produce section staring at tomatoes. “So do I tell Kelley?”

“Honestly? I don’t think so. Hope should be the one to tell her if she doesn’t know already.”

“True,” she reconciles, “Maybe she already knows.”

That’s what she tells herself, inspite of seeing how much happier Kelley gets with each passing day. She knows there’s no way Kelley could be this happy if she knew about Hope’s engagement. But no matter how many inner monologues she has about telling her, she can’t bring herself to be the one to put a knife into Kelley’s heart. She doesn’t want to be a part of that.

That doesn’t matter though because a few weeks later Alex is there when Kelley notices her ring. Kelley asks her if she knew and Alex acts dumbfounded, saying she figured Kelley knew already and just didn’t want to talk about it. Alex can feel her face losing color as she sees Kelley’s pain. She puts her arm around her and comforts her as best as she can.

“She didn’t know, Tobin, I tried to pretend like I thought she knew. It was horrible.”

“Wow, this sucks.”

“I need to make it up to her Tobs. She’s staying with me tonight.”

Tobin gives her a weary look.

“Come on, are you serious? I would never take advantage of how she feels. I told her I’m gonna get her through this and I think she wants answers that only I or Hope can give. I think we both know who the better person is.”

That night she holds Kelley close as they watch Glee and Kelley gets every piece of information she can out of her. With every tear she wipes she becomes more determined to get Kelley through this, and she makes sure Kelley knows it. Between her, Tobin, and some of the other girls she makes sure Kelley is never alone until they get back to LA. Even in LA Alex is vigorous in her efforts to keep Kelley busy.

That’s when she starts to really notice the strain between her and Servando. They argue about how he hasn’t seen her in months and she tells him that she needs to be in LA with her best friend. It was usually easier than this, they’ve been apart for longer than this before but ever since the Olympics she swears he’s been more annoyed with her than usual. It’s easier somehow, to just deal with Kelley so she just tells Servando to deal with it and focuses on her.

Alex finds out from Tobin that Hope asked Kelley to her wedding only a few days before it was supposed to happen. “Are you kidding me? She didn’t actually ask her? Wait, is she going? She can’t go she’ll be even more heartbroken if-”

“Alex, Kelley’s going. She needs closure. You know she’ll always regret it if she doesn’t go.”

Alex is furious and she couldn’t hide it even if she tried. By the time Kelley leaves she’s mostly convinced herself that Tobin is right and passes on those sentiments to Kelley. She only prays this doesn’t go horribly.

Unfortunately she’s at a photoshoot the day of the wedding, literally the worst thing she could possibly be doing. Sitting around all day and feeling self conscious. She sends Kelley a reassuring text and spends the entire day waiting for a response that she never gets. How she’d give anything to have been sweating the day away instead. She’s passed out on the couch when Kelley calls her that night asking if she can come pick her up from the airport in a few hours.

She embraces her friend hard when she spots her walking out. She can feel Kelley stifling back her tears. “I’m here, Kel,” she whispers into her hair. Taking charge of Kelley’s suitcase they make their way into the apartment. The minute they walk in Kelley can’t hold it in any longer and falls into her.

“She didn’t choose me. I told her I loved her and she got married instead.”

Alex brings her in closer. “I know sweetie.” She kisses her the top of her head softly. “I know.” Kelley falls asleep in Alex’s bed that night for the first time.

After the third time that week that Kelley sleeps in her room Tobin finally says something.

“Just be careful dude, that’s all I’m saying.”

“I’m not doing anything! Do you want her to sleep with you then?” Each night Kelley always falls asleep first. No matter what Alex always finds herself memorizing different patterns of her freckles as she tries and fall asleep.

“Well if she wanted to of course but you know me, I like my bed alone. And besides she snores.”

They both start laughing. “I just don’t want to see you hurt too, Alex. One of you sad is bad enough.”

They continue to keep Kelley occupied and above water for the next few weeks and slowly more smiles frequent her face. One afternoon they’re on the beach playing some pick up with a few kids who are actually quite better than they expected. One of the boys megs Alex and she falls on her ass which has Kelley keeling over in laughter. She hasn’t heard Kelley laugh like that in so long that she’ll gladly take being megged by a child to elicit this kind of reaction in her.

Later on that evening they meet up with some mutual friends for a bonfire and she can really see the difference in Kelley. A few weeks ago she would have just stuck by Tobin or Alex or someone she knew for the night. Now she was having conversations with random people and getting people to fall in love with her charm just like old times.

Alex is having a casual conversation with a friend from college when Kelley barges in, swinging her arm around her pal.

“Yoooo, this bonfire is awesome!” Usually Alex would ask how many beers she’s had but seeing Kelley this happy is reason enough to keep quiet.

Kelley grabs her hand and starts to pull her out toward the beach. “Sorry dude, I need to borrow her for a sec!” she calls out to the confused man now left alone.

“Kelley! I was talking to him! Are you alright?”

“Yes, I really am. Today’s the best day I’ve had in months. Thanks to you. And Tobin. I have the best friends in the world. What am I gonna do when I don’t have y’all around for Christmas?”

Alex wraps her arm around her shorter friend.

“You have your family silly. I know how much you love them. You’ll be fine.”

“But we only have about a month after that. Preseason starts in February and chances are we won’t be on the same team.”

“Thing will work out. You’ll be okay, you’re stronger than you think O’Hara.”

Kelley’s expression changes and she can tell something evil is about to happen. “Don’t O’Hara me, Morgan.” She pushes Alex down into the sand and sprints into the water. “Woooooo! Come on in Alex the water’s fantastic!”

“You realize you didn’t even bother to take your clothes off and go in your swimsuit?”

“Who cares?!” Kelley screams. “Get in here!”

Alex waves and starts to walk away laughing. It doesn’t take long for Kelley to run back to shore and throw her wet self onto Alex’s back. “That’s what you get for ignoring me, Morgan.”

The beers Kelley’s had clearly throw her balance off and she’s swaying one way while Alex is trying to walk in the other and they find themselves in the sand again. Kelley’s face down in the sand laughing uncontrollably. She tries to be angry but seeing Kelley like this makes it impossible and she starts laughing too. Their laughter finally cools down a bit and before Alex realizes she’s saying something words are just flying out of her mouth.

“I’m going to miss you, Kel.”

Kelley looks at her so strongly it feels like no one else exists besides them. She smiles widely before answering.

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

\---

After coming back from their Christmas vacations the three of them start focusing more on their pre preseason training. Six days a week they make sure to get in at least one high intensity training or workout into their schedules. They add more with each passing week and before they realize it Tobin is packing for Paris. The night before she leaves the three of them have a movie night. Kelley as usual is the first one to go to bed and the the two of them are left alone to watch the end of The Hangover.

They start heading to their respective rooms when Tobin breaks the silence. “You’re going to okay, you know that right?”

Alex pretends like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “What do you mean?”

“About Kelley. She’s starting to get back to her old self. If things keep heading this way maybe you can tell her how you feel soon.”

That was unexpected.

“You really think so?”

“Yeah dude. I mean, you should probably figure out your deal with Servando first but, yeah. I think Kelley deserves to know how you really feel too. But I’m gonna go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Alex heads into her room thinking about what Tobin said. Her relationship with Servando hasn’t gotten much better. Going to Portland was always her first choice because of the quality of soccer she knew she’d get there. When Servando assumed it was to be near each other she didn’t bother to correct him. Maybe it would help them. Despite her feelings for Kelley, her and Servando have been through everything together, and it was hard to just get rid of someone who’s been a staple in her life for so long. She just had to wait and see how it would go.

A few weeks later Kelley moves to Brooklyn and she goes to Portland. They say their tearful goodbyes and promise to keep in touch, but preseason kicks them both in the ass. At least three weeks go by of missed calls and ditched skype dates before Alex sends her a slightly ticked off text about how they haven’t talked in weeks. That night Kelley promises to be on skype later so they can catch up. That night is the first time she hears about Danny.

“It’s just casual, we’ve only gone out on a few dates. But he’s cute and it’s nice to be treated properly for once.”

Alex musters her best smiles but thousands of miles away Kelley sees right through them. “What’s wrong Lex?”

“Just tired and anxious. I want to start playing already. You know.”

The Algarve comes around before they know it and there’s where she finds out that Kelley and Danny are serious. “He just treats me right, you know? Like the way Serv treats you.”

 _‘Well if that’s how it’s going then maybe there’s hope for me after all’_ Alex thinks. Outloud she mutters what she used to say back in August. “If you’re happy Kel, I’m happy.”

But unlike how it was with Hope, it never deteriorates. And when they go to Germany Kelley seems to have really taken to him and his stupid kindness. “You’d like him Alex, he’s a good guy.”

It’s hard for Alex to rationalize her loathing of a guy who treats Kelley well so she takes it out on the ping pong table instead. After she accidentally pegs Tobin for the second time she finally gets called out on it.

“Dude! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“It’s not fair! I didn’t think Kelley was gonna move to New York and find someone else.”

“Ale-”

“I know what you’re going to say Tobin!” She slams her paddle on to the table. “Life’s not fair. Blah blah blah. I don’t fucking care. I just want something to go my way for once.” And she storms out.

Ten minutes later Tobin finds her sitting out by the pool.

“How are things with Servando?”

“Fucking horrible. I’ve been trying to make an effort with him but I just can’t. We’ve tried planning three trips to see each other and each time something comes up for me. He’s getting pissed and on one hand I get it, but he’s not being exactly nice about it. It’s like the more attention I get from others and the less he gets the more he takes it out on me. I think we’re reaching the end.”

“I’m sorry Alex. About everything.” She comes over and awkwardly hugs her while she’s still standing.

“You’re so weird Toby.”

Tobin scowls at the sound of that horrible nickname. “And that’s why you love me.”

\---

A week before Kelley’s side comes to Portland Alex finally sees Servando in person, and it all comes out. What she thinks of how he’s been acting, her feelings for Kelley, everything. There’s lots of arguing and tears. But in the end they agree it’s time to end things, for good. She calls up Tobin in the middle of the night and although it’s god knows what hour in Paris she answers and talks her through it.

“I’m going to tell Kelley when she comes here. I can’t stand it anymore. I know she doesn’t feel the same way but I’m going to explode if I hold this in much longer.”

“No matter what happens I’m here Alex. It’ll be okay.”

\---

Christie makes Alex feel like a gun with no ammunition when they play Sky Blue. With each play that she renders her useless Alex’s anger escalates. Her anger at losing, at not scoring, at Servando, even at Kelley. She’s clearly pissed after the match which Kelley sees, and doesn’t even bother coming her way. She finally centers herself after taking a long shower before going to meet up with Kelley and some of the other girls. She originally doesn’t sit next to Kelley but as the night progresses she finds herself sitting next to freckles.

“You okay, Alex? I know you were pissed.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. You know how I get it. How about you?”

Instead of keeping the conversation light Kelley dives right in.

“Honestly, I’m nervous about possibly seeing Hope this weekend when we play Seattle. It’s been a lot easier with the national team since she hasn’t been around. But I’ve heard she’s been going to all their home games.”

Alex plays with her food instead of looking her in the eye. She can’t stand where this conversation has gone. “You don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to.”

“I know, I just. I feel bad for leaving her wedding and not saying goodbye.”

“Whatever, she didn’t deserve that if you ask me,” Alex quickly retorts.

“Wow, tell me how you really feel,” Kelley says sarcastically, her eyes wide open.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says softly. She hadn’t intended to be that honest about how she feels when it comes to Hope.

“No, it’s okay. I kinda figured you didn’t like her much now after what’s happened.”

Alex chooses to take a sip of her whiskey and nod. Keeping her feelings to herself is probably for the best, she decides. All of them.

\---

After Sky Blue plays Seattle she texts Kelley asking how it went and she never gets a response. In fact she doesn’t hear anything from Kelley for weeks until they meet up in Toronto. They keep their conversations casual during practices and she tries to keep her cool until she overhears Ali and Ashlyn talking in the stairwell. At this point all the repressed feelings she’s had for months come out and she storms into Kelley’s room and things only get worse. The only positive is that at least Kelley’s not with Danny anymore. If that makes her a terrible friend for thinking that she couldn’t care less.

Abby tries and talks her through it at lunch but she can’t think straight. She finally apologizes to Kelley and somehow gets reeled into watch Glee that night. But she saw Hope go into Kelley’s room earlier and can’t help but turn the conversation onto that. When she tells her she’s been replaced by Hope as a ping pong partner she loses it but thankfully Cheney texts her and interrupts their fight and she leaves.

Cheney as usual knows everything because Tobin couldn’t keep her mouth shut so it’s nice to have another person to talk to. She’s visibly angry and Lauren tries to calm her to no avail.

“Alex, you have to get yourself together. This is not good for you. You need to tell her how you feel. I’m not saying you should tell her you’re in love with her, but at least tell her that she hasn’t been a great friend. It’s starting to affect your game.”

“She doesn’t even know me and Serv broke up. I was there for her every day after Hope ruined her and she hasn’t even bothered to ask me how I’ve been.”

“Talk to her before the game this weekend, okay? You’ll feel better no matter what happens.”

She takes what Lauren says to heart and the next day when Kelley comes to talk she says exactly what Cheney told her. Well not exactly, Cheney definitely didn’t tell her to say that Kelley had her head up Hope’s ass. They make up however, even despite Kelley telling her about some random girl she hooked up with.

The game against Canada is amazing and she scores the best goals she’s made in what feels like weeks. She’s glad Lauren got through to her. When it’s time to head back to their respective clubs she give Kelley a heartfelt goodbye. She brings her tiny friend in for a hug and catches a scent of her lavender shampoo that’s she’s been enamored with for ages. For a second she thinks Kelley notices but instead Kelley just promises to be a better friend. And Alex genuinely believes her.

\---

She’s not sure how much time has passed but judging by how the TV is now near the end of showing The Chamber Secrets she’s been in her head a lot longer than she realized. She hears knocking on the door and grabs her phone to check the time. She thought she might have missed their team dinner but it was only 5pm. Curiously she gets up and opens the door.

“Hey, we need to talk.”


	8. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I tried to push it away, I tried to just be with him and to just be your friend. But it started to drive me crazy. You, you drive me crazy."

“Did Tobin tell you?” They say in unison.

“No.” The two of them say again.

Alex looks at Kelley bewildered and Kelley starts laughing. She tried to ignore how visibly awkward Alex got after she walked into the lounge. She doesn’t know if Tobin told her of if she gave it away herself but all signs pointed to Alex knowing that she knew.

After hours of restlessness she decides to go up to Alex’s room to try and sort things out. If they’re going to be playing together for the next two weeks the sooner they get over this awkwardness the better it’ll be.

Alex definitely did not expect her to be the one standing at her door.

“Do you want to come in?” Alex asks.

“Oh, um yea.” She walks in and notices Alex hasn’t gotten any sort of unpacking done, which is strange. She’s not the neatest on the team by far but she always starts off a trip by putting everything in set places. She sits on her bed and motions for the forward to join her.

“Tobin didn’t tell me anything. Well, I asked her some things and she...” Kelley starts motioning with her hands trying to find the right word “...pointed me in the right direction. And then I finally figured it out. Did she tell you I knew?”

“No.”

“So you could just tell by the way I reacted when I saw you?”

Alex nods.

“Alex,” Kelley begins. She’s not really sure what she even came up to say but she remembers what Tobin told her from Paris a few weeks earlier. To just be as honest as she can. “You’re my best friend. You’ve been my rock for so long, especially these last few months when I really needed you. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you. And I love you so much for that.”

Alex looks distraught, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I’ve been a shitty friend these past months, and you know that. I should have bothered to ask at least once if anything was bothering you, but like you so eloquently put it, I was far too up Hope’s ass to even realize anything was wrong. I’m sorry for that.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Please Lex, just let me finish.” Finish what, she’s not exactly sure, but Alex nods anyway.

“I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought of you in that way before. To be honest I think there’s always been some sort of underlying attraction between us that we just never talked about. But you were always with Serv and I just refused to admit that you might not be so straight either. I don’t know if it was that kiss in London that changed things for you or if it was something else, but obviously my feelings for Hope got in the way of us ever talking about it.”

Just saying Hope’s name makes Alex visibly wince.

“Speaking of Hope, there’s still a lot that I don’t understand happening between us. We’ve been trying to be friends since Toronto and it seems to be going alright. But knowing us, something is gonna go down, and I don’t want you in the crossfire." She takes a moment before she speaks again, she needs to get this part right. "I care about you too much to even think about being more than friends with you at this point. What’s going on with Hope is still a mess. I’m still a mess. And you deserve someone that can give their whole heart to you. And I know I can’t do that, not now at least.”

Alex motions as if to ask if she's done and Kelley nods. "I never asked for this, Kelley. I thought Servando and I were going to get married one day. I thought he was it for me. Yea, I agree there's always been some sexual tension between us but it wasn't ever an issue really. I never thought I'd want to act on it. Honestly after that kiss in London nothing changed for me. Yes, I was hurt that you didn't want to talk about it but it didn’t really matter. And then all of a sudden one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, that I was falling in love. I tried to push it away, I tried to just be with him and to just be your friend. But it started to drive me crazy. You, you drive me crazy."

Alex looks down moving her hair so there's a barrier between their gazes. She doesn't want Kelley to see the tears.

"I never thought I'd fall for my best friend. I never thought I'd love someone who didn't love me back. But I did. But at the end of the day I just need you in my life in any way I can. You're still my best friend. And I always want to be that to you no matter what happens. Our friendship means everything to me."

She moves her hair and looks at Kelley. "I think that's what drove me crazy the most these past few months. That I was losing you as a friend. You were so wrapped up in your life in Brooklyn and it felt like I was losing you."

"Alex you'd never lose me. I understand where you're coming from but from the bottom of my heart- I will always be your friend, as long as you'll let me. I don't know what's going to happen from here on out but I know I won't make it without your friendship. I promise to be less of a jerk from here on out.”

The forward gives her a funny look and starts chuckling. “We’ll see about that O’Hara.” Kelley punches her softly and they both start laughing. And to both of them, this is a relief.

“Can I ask you a favor Kel?”

“Mhm.”

“I know you said you’re trying to figure things out with Hope still. I know part of being friends is listening to each other’s problems but I don’t think I can handle being a part of that process with you. I need you to make those choices independent of me.”

“Of course, Alex. Don’t worry about it.”

“Besides, Tobin is jealous you only talk to me about your problems.” Alex starts laughing before she can even finish the sentence. And Kelley joins in.

“I’ll be sure to tell her that. But it’s almost time for dinner so we should probably head down.”

***

The first few days of practice go smoothly. Kelley’s ankle is still bothering her sometimes but for the most part she’s able to practice until she gets into a rough tackle with Pinoe and it starts to hurt more than usual. The trainers insist she meet with them later along with the other players who have more serious injuries instead of the usual post training massages everyone else gets.

She’s completely engaged in magazine when she notices in her peripheral broad shoulders next to her. “Whatcha reading?” Hope asks.

“Nothing important. Apparently Kim and Kanye turned down three million dollars for an exclusive photoshoot of their baby.”

Hope starts cackling. “And people think we’re celebrities sometimes?”

“Well few people are more famous than them at this point,” The defender shrugs. “Oh well. How are you?” Kelley’s almost surprised at how easy it was to transition into a friendly conversation.

“I’m alright. Training with Seattle’s getting better. I really think we’re close to our first win. And god knows, we really need it. These girls deserve it.”

“Is um, Jerramy out there with you?” Kelley is shocked by what is coming out of her mouth.

If Hope is shocked as well, she definitely doesn’t show it. “Yeah, we agreed to table the conversation about moving to Tampa after my season is over. There’s a lot of fishing to do, so far he hasn’t been complaining.”  
Before Kelley can respond Carli comes out and motions for her to go get her treatment. Kelley smiles at the both of them and walks in.

Instead of leaving Carli sits down in Kelley’s former seat.

“How’s that?” She asks bluntly, jerking her chin in the direction Kelley just walked.

“Carli...already?”

“Whaddyoumean? We’ve been here almost three days and I’m just now asking. Come on.”

“We’re just friends. Besides, Jerramy and I are doing better. Yeah we argued a bit about my shoulder, and where to live, and our future...but we got past it.”

“You mean you’re choosing not to talk about it until you have to.”

“Carli-”

“I’m just saying! Not talking about it is just going to make things worse, Hope. You know that.”

Hope tries hard not to glare at her best friend.

“I get what you’re saying Carli. But right now for us, we’re doing good without talking about it. It’s been nice actually. Every morning I got to practice and he goes to fish, we eat lunch together and then we do our own things in the afternoon. I go do more training or to rehab and he goes and works out or hangs out with old friends. And every night we walk the dogs together. We have a nice little happy schedule.”

Carli actually seems slightly impressed.

“I’m glad things are going well. But I still worry sometimes. And Kelley, she finally seems to be coming to terms with everything.”

“I know. I think I am too honestly. I just need to remind myself that I chose him, and not her. I made that decision on my own. I still care about her but nothing more can happen, right?”

“Yes. Please for the love of god don’t do anything stupid.” Carli playfully slaps the keeper’s thigh. “I’m gonna head out though, I’ll see you later.”

***

The day before they play Korea it’s time for the much anticipated table tennis tournament. Kelley and Hope only practiced about thirty minutes the night before so they weren’t expecting to do well but somehow managed to get to the semifinals without much trouble. They’re all watching the last quarterfinal match, Whitney and Becky against Barnie and Tobin. The later are a few points away from advancing.

“You guys seem to getting along better,” Ali says putting her arm around Kelley, who’s about to respond when Ashlyn steps to them.

“Hey there! What are you doing fraternizing with the enemy?” she says with as serious as a tone she can muster. Kelley and Hope are playing them in the semis. The brunette rolls her eyes at the blond and continues to talk. “I’m just saying, the way you two are acting it’s like how it was a year ago. You know...before everything.”

Playing in this tournament has done wonders for their friendship. At first it was kind of shaky but once they found their groove, as Ali just put it, it was like they hadn’t missed a beat in their friendship. Kelley nods and smiles. “I know, right?”

Ashlyn wraps her arm around Kelley from the other side.

“I’m glad you guys decided to be friends again. You two are hilarious.” The crowd erupts in cheers as Barnie hits the match winner. Ashlyn goes up to her best friend and picks her up. “Next time, Whit. I’ll always believe in you.” She says jokingly. Whitney wrestles out of her grasp muttering “asshole” as Ashlyn and Ali take their place in front of the table.

“Come on,” the blond keeper bellows, “Time’s a-wastin!”

Kelley and Hope finally take their places opposite them and the game starts. According to the official rules that HAO found online many years ago, the first team to reach eleven points with a margin of two wins the set. They play best of five. Like everything else Ashlyn and Ali do, they are painfully in sync the entire time, easily winning the first two sets by a five point margin.

Before the beginning of the third set Hope calls for a time out.

“What is this basketball?” Ashlyn yells.

Hope gives her classic lion glare as she turns to face Kelley.

“You need to stop hitting the ball so hard. This is table tennis, not actual tennis.”

“Yeah well you need to stop letting Ashlyn’s ego get to you. You know she’s doing this on purpose.”

“If we lose to them Ashlyn will never let me forget it.”

Kelley takes a glance at Ashlyn who’s whispering something into Ali’s ear.

“She won’t let either of us forget it.”

They step back up to the table. Kelley serves first and after a quick rally they win the first point. They do that three more times until Ashlyn and Ali finally get a winner to get them on the board at 4-1. They sides go back and forth gaining points but soon they manage to scramble a few points in a row and before they know it Ashlyn is serving for the match 9-10. The rally goes back and forth when Ali slams a hard one to them. As the ball flies off the table Kelley runs to reach it before it hits the ground, somehow not only managing to keep it in play, she hits it at an angle that Ashlyn can’t reach and they’re even at 10-10.

“It hit the ground! Come on, that was match point!” Ashlyn screams at Christie, the umpire for the match.

Christie doesn’t even bother to acknowledge the comment and gives the ball to Hope to serve.

They end up winning the set 12-10, forcing a fourth set. Ashlyn’s anger throws her off, allowing Hope and Kelley to go up by six before their opponents even get on the board. They end up winning the set easily. Ali motions for a timeout, whispers something quickly to her girlfriend and they get ready to play the final set.

Whatever she said to the blond works, because her head is finally set straight and they go point for point until it’s 10-10. Kelley serves hard catching Ali off balance and makes it 11-10. Ali serves next and after a quick rally Ashlyn hits the winner and they’re tied again. They stay even until it’s 15-15 and Hope serves an ace, but according to Ashlyn it hits the net so it should be redone. She starts to argue with Christie and out of nowhere a raspy voice yells, “Come on Ash, we all saw it go clearly. Just take it.”

Ashlyn looks at Ali, then at Alex, surprised that the forward is defending Hope’s shot. She looks at Kelley who just shrugs, giving a confused expression as well. She gives the ball to Ali who serves to keep them in the match. She hits the ball well and Hope returns and Ashlyn goes in for the winner but Kelley manages to barely keep it in play. The rally goes on until Kelley hits the ball brushing it against the net slightly. The ball bounces awkwardly on the other side of the table, falling off to the side inches away Ashlyn’s paddle and onto the ground.

“Game, Set, Match to Hope and Kelley!” Christie says delightfully and Kelley still shocked from the last play stands there in astonishment until Hope picks her up and swings her. “We did it!” her keeper screams, finally putting her down after Christie yells to move so the next semifinal can get started. Everyone settles down to watch Barnie and Tobin versus Abby and HAO. Both sides are the two teams that have won the most championships so everyone around knows they’re in for a good match. While everyone else focuses on the game Hope and Kelley are in the corner joking and laughing. Alex walks past them and pats Kelley softly on the head. “Good game you two,” she says smiling wide. “Thanks!” Hope says returning the smile. Kelley is about to say the same when Alex’s phone rings. “Sorry, it’s my sister, hopefully I’ll be back before your game starts!”

Abby and HAO win the game in four sets and later  _destroy_ Hope and Kelley in the final winning in three easy sets.

***

Later that night a few of the girls come to watch Scandal in Kelley and Tobin’s room. Cheney is sitting on Tobin’s bed and they’re engrossed in the drama. Meanwhile Syd and Mewie, who’ve both seen every episode, are on the floor on their makeshift bed deep in conversation. Alex is sitting on Kelley’s bed. Kelley tries hard to ignore the mere inches between them the entire time. Two episodes in she notices their hands between them slightly grazing and finds it really hard to breathe, but she just pretends it’s because of Olivia Pope. Alex hasn’t really seen the show so she’s very absorbed in the show’s drama as well. When the sniper shoots at the President Alex gasps and frighteningly squeezes Kelley’s hand.

Alex likes comedies for a reason. ' _There’s enough sadness in this world already, if I’m gonna watch something I want it to be happy,'_  Kelley recalls from one of the first times she tried to get Alex to watch a scary movie with her. People usually see Kelley as the upbeat, optimistic one but it’s also a characteristic Alex shares with her as well.

So Kelley lets Alex squeeze her hand, in fact she squeezes her hand back and looks up at her smiling. “It’s okay, he lives,” she whispers.

“I can HEAR you, O’Hara,” Cheney states. “You just ruined it. You’re the worst.”

Kelley starts laughing uncontrollably, to which Cheney responds by jumping on top of her and Alex.

“Okay, OKAY! I’m sorry Cheney! I’m SORRY!”

Tobin, the mediator as always grabs Cheney from behind. “Alright guys, it’s almost two in the morning. We do have a game tomorrow after all.”

“Yeah,” Sydney chimes in as she gets up. “Y’all are all down to go out with Mewie’s friends from BC after right?”

“It’s gonna be great, they really know how to party,” adds Mewie as she motions for Syd to pull her up. They all nod in agreement as the duo and Cheney leave. Tobin goes in to take a shower leaving just Kelley and Alex in the room.

“You alright?” Kelley asks. She knows how much Alex hates gunshots.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I’m sorry, I completely forgot that happened. If you want you can sleep here tonight.” Alex smiles and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“I’ll be okay, Pinoe will keep me safe,” she chuckles and gets up off the bed. Kelley can tell the forward is contemplating whether to hug her or not, so she opts to hug her instead.

“Good night Alex. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

***

Although they could have played better, they end up winning 4-1. Even better, Mewie scores her first goal in front of her home crowd and Abby gets one goal closer to never hearing the words “Chasing Mia” ever again.

A large chunk of the team ends up going out to the bar Mewie used to frequent near Boston College. Kelley goes up to grab a round of drinks when the bartender grabs her attention. “Only twenty for all of this?” She motions at the four drinks in front of her that should have cost at least twice that. The cute brunette winks at her, “It’s my treat.”

A few rounds later it’s her turn to get drinks again and the bartender offers her a shot of tequila. “On the house again?” she asks coyly, “I’m starting to think you might like me a bit.”

“What can I say,” the woman says. Kelley notices a slight accent. “You’re easy on the eyes.”

She finds out her name is Natalie and she’s about to ask her where her accent’s from when Sydney rams into her. “Girl, where are the drinks??” She notices the vibe between Kelley and the bartender and quickly figures it out. “Oh, I see.” They walk back to the table as Syd grins sheepishly. “She’s cute. That pixie haircut definitely works for her. You’re getting the next round again.”

“What are you two dorks talking about?” Alex questions as she grabs her whiskey from Kelley’s hand.

“Nothing,” Sydney quickly says and Alex knows from her tone it’s something mischievous. “The cute bartender is giving Kelley special treatment.” Kelley is waiting for Alex to react badly but instead she’s surprised.

“Well as long as we get cheaper drinks out of it, why not?” She puts her arm around Kelley lovingly and they all cheer.

Kelley’s small bladder, especially when drinking gets the best of her and she has to excuse herself from the group. On her way past the crowd she runs into the bartender. She’s much shorter than she realized, and despite wearing all black she can tell she’s pretty feminine by the cute bandana she has wrapped around her head.

“I get out in thirty minutes, if you wanna buy me a drink,” Natalie says forwardly.

A drink or two before Kelley probably would have said no, but she’s accepts. An hour later she’s bought Natalie her third drink and they’re deep in conversation. She finds out she’s from the Dominican Republic and has been in the states for few years. It’s almost one in the morning when Sydney comes over to the two of them. “I think we’re gonna head out soon,” she says. She motions to the group on the other side. Kelley picks out Alex easily who smiles at her. Even from across the room she can see in her eyes that the smile is forced. “You two have fun,” Sydney says and walks away.

Kelley’s still thinking about Alex’s expression when Natalie brings her back to reality by moving her arm around Kelley’s waist and whispering into her ear. “You mind going outside for a bit? It’s crowded in here.” Kelley obliges and they walk out.

When she turns back from closing the door behind her, the girl’s pushed her on the wall and starts kissing her. She has soft lips, and though Kelley was startled initially she finds she likes this a lot. The kiss gets more intense and Natalie starts running her hands on her waist moving her hands lower when Kelley starts thinking of those blue eyes and pushes her away.

“Listen, I think you’re cute and all. Normally I’d be okay with this, but I don’t think this is a good decision.” The girl looks disappointed but doesn’t miss a beat. “It’s okay,” she says. She reaches into her pocket, grabs a sharpie then Kelley’s arm, writing down her number.

“If you’re ever in Boston again, give me a call.”

***

They’ve been back at the hotel for almost an hour, Pinoe's already asleep so Alex tries to do the same but can’t get her mind to turn off. She’s not mad at Kelley. The conversation they had earlier in the week was good, it went a lot better than she could have possibly imagined. She’s glad that Kelley cares about her enough not to get involve her in Kelley’s mess but at the same time Alex wants nothing more than to get messy. She’s okay being just her friend, but seeing her at the bar making eyes at the bartender made her sad. When Sydney came back from telling Kelley they were leaving she hoped she’d come back with them. But Kelley is single, they’re just friends, and she’s allowed to do what she wants. Her phone vibrates, bringing her back to her room. It’s a text from Kelley.

“You still awake?”

“Yeah,” Alex types quickly. She’s confused, did she come back already? She’s pretty sure she saw the bartender drag her outside as they were leaving. She notices a faint knock on her door and though she’s not one hundred percent sure it’s real she goes up and checks anyways. When she opens the door her freckled friend is there smiling in her favorite Stanford tee and shorts. She waves a DVD in her face. “You wanna watch?”

Alex smiles, laughing softly. “Wedding Crashers? You know already what I’m going to say.”

They go into the lounge and they sit and watch one of Alex’s favorite movies. Alex wants to ask about the bartender but she doesn’t want to seem desperate. About thirty minutes into the movie Kelley finally breaks the awkward silence between them.

“Nothing happened, you know, with the girl at the bar,” she whispers.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Alex says, more blunt than she intended. Kelley starts to respond but she cuts her off. “I didn’t mean that to come off snarky. We’re both adults, you’re free to flirt with whoever you want. Really.” She tries to come off more genuine this time but she’s not really sure she pulled it off.

“I could tell I upset you though, Lex. Even from across the room. I know we’re both adults, but I feel like I’ve caused you enough pain these last months that I should at least not do something like that in front of you. I don’t think that was very cool on my part.” Kelley’s eyes look sad, and it makes Alex feel guilty about even being upset in the first place.

“I shouldn’t be getting upset though, you know?”

“You can’t help how you feel though, and that’s okay. I should have realized what I was doing earlier. I’m sorry.”

Alex can’t with this conversation anymore. “Kelley, it’s fine. We’re good. Can we just watch the movie please?”

Kelley nods and they both bring their eyes back to the screen. A few minutes pass when Kelley breaks the silence again. “I just, I don’t want to act like Hope was with me.” Alex gives her a confused look. “Hope was always doing things that she knew upset me and apologizing only to do it again. I know what it feels like to hear apologies that aren’t worth shit. I don’t want to be like that with you.”

Alex starts laughing and puts her arm around Kelley. “Come on, Kel. You don’t even come close to her. I know you better than that.” She pulls her into a hug. “We’re okay, really.” They fall back into a more comfortable silence this time and finish up the movie. As usual Kelley’s fallen asleep on her so she tries to wake her up.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” the freckles whisper, opening one eye. Alex drags her up slowly and they begin to walk to their rooms. They reach Kelley’s room first and after she opens her door she turns to hug Alex. The hug lingers for a bit, for a moment Alex thinks she may have fallen asleep on her when finally Kelley starts to let go. Her lips softly brush past Alex’s chin as she moves away. “Goodnight, Alex,” she yawns and goes inside.

Alex stands outside her door for a moment, trying to remember how to breathe before she walks away.


	9. Hold On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You’re different. You just have this ability to light up a whole room and you don’t even realize it.”

Kelley and Christen both pass out on the bus ride down to New York and they stay motionless until about an hour in when she feels something sharp hit her on her side. Kelley’s confused, so she slightly opens her right eye trying to figure out what the hell is happening when she sees Christen’s elbow hit her again. “What the...” She tries nudging her slightly. “Press, wake up....Christen!”

Her teammate looks up at her confused. “You were having a bad dream, I think, you were hitting me.”

“Oh, sorry,” Christen responds, shrugging her shoulders. “I was in a game...”

“Yeah, figures by the way you were elbowing me,” Kelley chuckles. Christen rolls her eyes.

“Well now that I’m up,” Christen begins as she sits up and looks Kelley dead in the eyes with a knowing smirk, “ I overheard Mewie and Syd talking about you and some girl last night. Spill.”

Kelley starts to get red as usual. She lowers her voice. “Press, not here come on.” Christen looks around the bus, “Everyone’s either asleep or listening to music, I know it’s hard for you but just speak softly.”

“Asshole,” Kelley whispers. 

Christen smirks, “Yeah just like that. So, this girl...”

“Nothing happened, she was the bartender and she was cute and she kissed me but I stopped it and came back to the hotel and watched Wedding Crashers with Alex. End of story.”

“Why’d you stop though?”

“Cause I felt bad. I saw the way Alex looked at me before she left and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I stopped.”

Christen looks around again making sure everyone is still preoccupied. “How is THAT going?”

“Good I think? We agreed on just being friends but,” Kelley takes a deep breath, “things are different, for me now.” Christen’s eyes get wide. “What I mean is, I can’t tell the difference between my feelings for her as a friend and you know, FEELINGS feelings. Like, do I feel bad about last night because I was hurting my friend or because I want something more?”

Christen shrugs and places her hand on Kelley’s arm. “I don’t know Kel.” 

“And even if I did want more, I’m still getting over...” she motions behind her, “you know. Every day is better and easier, we’re chill now, and she seems to be working things out with him. But I still care about her. And it still hurts that she chose him, but like you and everyone else has said, I need to accept that fact, even if she did try to...rekindle things in Toronto. I can’t let her back in like that.” Christen moves her hand up to Kelley’s face and only then does she realize that there are tears falling down her face. She lets her friend finish wiping away her tears before she continues. 

“Maybe in another world if she realized that she made a mistake and ends things with him I could...rethink letting her in again, but I don’t think it’ll ever happen. And most days I think I’m okay with that.” She clears her throat and starts laughing. “How can I even think about Alex in a romantic way if I’m still like this?” 

“Peach,” Christen begins, her hand back on her arm, “You know you deserve all the happiness in the world, right?” Kelley shrugs. “Well you do. And I think if you let yourself try and be something more with Alex you can find it. For what it’s worth, I know you’re confused but I think there’s something there between the two of you that’s worth discovering.”

“But what if it’s weird? Or worse, what if it’s good but something happens and we can’t go back to being friends? I don’t know what I’d do if-”

“Kelley, relax I’m not saying you two should go get married. Just take it one day at a time. Go get coffee or go out to dinner. As long as you’re honest with her and take it slow I don’t think you have to worry about ruining everything.” Christen grins big. “I think you owe it to the two of you to try.” 

Kelley returns a soft smile back. Maybe she’s right, as long as she takes it slow with Alex there might be something there after all...

A couple of hours later they reach New York City. Tom has given the girls who live nearby the option of staying at their own places until the night before the game but Kelley chooses to stay at the team hotel. She gets roomed with Press and after they’re both done unpacking they go downstairs to watch the Confederations Cup with some of the other girls. Kelley takes up a spot between Tobin and Alex.

“How’s it going?” Kelley asks. 

“They’re tied,” Tobin responds. “Pirlo hit a gnarly goal but Mexico got a PK. Twenty minutes left.” She’s about to ask about Pirlo’s goal but Alex gets her sentence in first. 

“Now that you’re here Kel,” Alex announces, “I have something to ask you two. My family’s coming for the week tomorrow and want to do dinner tomorrow night. They told me to bring along my two favorite gals.” She pats them both on the back jokingly.

“Can’t,” Tobin replies not looking away from the game. “Going to dinner and some event with Perry tomorrow.” 

“Boo you suck, Toby,” Kelley jested before turning to Alex with a sheepish grin, “I’m free as a bird, can’t wait to see the fam.” 

Alex is about to respond but Italy scores and the room erupts in screams. The game ends soon after and as Kelley gets up to leave with the rest of the girls she gets pulled back by the shirt. “Hey there!” she turns to investigate who’s pulling her and sees it’s Alex. She puts her hands on her hips. “Rude.”

“You sure about it just being you with my family?” the forward questioned.

 

“Yeah?” Kelley responds, confused as to why she’d even ask. “I’ve met them plenty of times bef-”

“Jeri knows,” Alex blurts. 

“What do you mean Jeri knows?” 

The forward’s face starts to turn red as she tries to find the words when Kelley puts two and two together. “Ohhhhh.”

“Yeah...”

“Alex, it’s fine,” she reassures.

“I can ask Sydney to come or I can cancel-”

“Lex, don’t worry about it. Seriously. And if it’s weird that’s why alcohol was invented. Remember the last time we hung out with your parents? How many bottles of wine did we finish?”

Alex starts laughing to Kelley’s relief. “Too many, I think we had at least a bottle each.”

“Exactly, so it’s all good.” Kelley makes sure to sound as confident as possible. It seems to work. 

Later that night as she’s getting ready for bed she casually mentions her dinner plans to Christen. She’s not even finished with her sentence when she sees the pillow come at her face. “Hey! You know now that all you asshats throw pillows at me all the time I’m pretty good at catching them.”

“Did you seriously forget what we talked about earlier?”

“I’ve hung out with her family plenty of times before Chris, and the only reason it’s just me is cause Tobin’s busy.” Kelley retorts. “It’s not a big deal.”

Christen just continues to glare. “I’m just worried.”

She throws the pillow back at her roommate and takes the distraction as an opportunity to jump on top of her. 

“Kel-LEY!” 

After a few minutes of trying to push the ball of freckles off of her she finally gives up. Kelley lingers on her, basking in victory before rolling over. 

“I know you’re worried, Pressypoo, and that’s why you’re a great friend.” Instead of taking the easy way off the bed she rolls on top of Christen again and retreats to her bed.

***

Practice that morning could not have gone slower. Christen’s words have started to play in her head on repeat. Should she be worried? Especially if Jeri knows how Alex feels? She doesn’t want to come off as inconsiderate of Alex’s feelings, or like she’s jerking her around. As practice goes on her playing gets visibly worse at one point going for a ball that Hope called for and colliding into her. 

“Dammit O’Hara, I called for it!” Hope growls as she gets up slowly. Kelley’s still on the ground, Hope’s knee rammed into her stomach and she’s trying to remember how to breathe. Hope helps her get up, looking more sympathetic. “You know better, Kel, come on.”

Kelley mumbles an apology and continues on with the drill. They end the session with some shooting, and she doesn’t make one shot. In fact she does so poorly even Tom says something about how she needs to be better even for a defender. On the way back to the hotel the minute Christen sits down next to her she can feel her staring at her. She doesn’t want to admit that she was right so she just looks out the window playing her music until they get back to the hotel.

They have a quick lunch and go to a nearby gym for an intense weight training session. Being able to focus on individual exercises and reps calms her nerves down by a lot. With each lift, each drop of sweat she can feel the butterflies slowly go away. They finish after ninety minutes and they’re free to do whatever they want with the rest of their day. Kelley heads upstairs to take a shower. Unfortunately a few minutes in her nerves come back. She turns the water up higher singeing her skin slightly. She focuses on the water and her breathing. It’s not until Kelley feels the water start to get exponentially colder that she realizes she’s completely lost track of time and quickly washes herself before the water turns to ice.

Christen is in the room when she gets out on her computer typing furiously. “That took a while,” she notes, not looking away from her screen. Kelley doesn’t respond as she tries to find clothes to put on. 

“You sure you want to go?” Christen asks.

Kelley chooses to try fitting her t-shirt over the towel on her head, fighting with it for a good minute until she just lets her hair out of the towel angrily. 

“Even if I didn’t want to go it’s too late to back out now,” she grunts as she combs her hair out. 

“I could fake an emergency or something,” Christen suggests. Kelley starts laughing. 

“No one would believe you, your life is boring.” 

Christen grimaces. “Ass.” She turns back to her laptop.

Kelley’s stopped paying attention though, she’s going through her suitcase, moving everything out of place. “Fuck.”

“Hm?” Christen says not looking up again.

“I didn’t really bring anything besides workout clothes and jeans...come on Press I know you packed half your life away.”

“Don't you live like thirty minutes from here though?”

“Come on Press just let me see your shit.”

“Alright but I swear if you don’t give it back I’m never letting you borrow anything again.” Christen’s hands are on her hips. The serious pose doesn’t fool Kelley.

“Please, you would never deny me anything Pressy.”

Christen gets up and goes to one of her suitcases and starts rummaging through it. “What do you have in mind?”

Kelley takes a moment. “I need something nice that says ‘I’m your friend, but maybe I’m something more? But your parents can’t figure it out yet.’” 

Christen laughs and throws her a black dress that’s pretty nice, until she realizes how short it is. “Umm, this is definitely not the impression I want give.”

She throws her another one. It has long sleeves and absolutely no neckline. “Yeah not going to my grandma’s birthday either.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers Kel,” Christen huffs as she opens another bag. She throws a grey dress at her this time. The fabric is kind of see through-y but she takes off her shirt and tries it on. It’s more lowcut in the back but she figures if she keeps her hair down it won’t be a big deal.

Christen gives her a thorough look. “I like it,” she says nodding.

She goes to grab her makeup bag and heads to the bathroom but Press stops her. “You realize it’s not even five yet?”

She takes a look at her watch, she’s not supposed to meet Alex for over an hour. “Oh, you’re right. Shit.” 

Now she can feel her nerves completely taking over her stomach again. She looks around trying to find something to do. “Here,” Christen says passing Kelley her laptop. “I just wrote something I need to send in to a soccer website, proofread it, just like old times.” Kelley gladly takes her time reading through what Christen wrote. Forty-five minutes pass and after the fourth time she’s reread it she decides she needs to start getting ready. 

It’s five to six when she's all set. 

“Turn around,” Christen says as she puts on her nerdy glasses. Kelley does a dramatic turn as Christen inspects. “Everything’s in order. Good luck, Peach.”

When she reaches Alex’s room she takes a deep breath before knocking. She hears a loud bang, then someone say “Shit!” A few moments later Abby opens the door with a piece of broccoli in hand. 

“You alright there Abby?” She notices some sort of ornament on the dresser broken.

“Yeah,” she groans and motions toward the pieces. “That was supposed to be for Sarah...but I guess I need to buy something else now.” She holds out her bowl of broccoli. “You want?”

Kelley laughs and shakes her head. Abby sure is special. She’s about to ask if Alex is ready yet when the bathroom door opens and the other forward comes out. She’s wearing a tight black dress that well, is very accentuating. Her hair is pulled back into a neat but not too neat bun and she’s sporting red lipstick that is to die for. When she notices how much taller Alex is she’s thankful Press brought heels back from Sweden.

Kelley softly mutters in astonishment. “What was that?” Alex asks.

“Nothing, um. You look nice. Very New York. You good to go?” 

“Yep,” Alex smiles as she grabs her clutch and they walk out to the elevator.

She tries really hard to not look at Alex. It’s proving harder than she anticipated. The elevator is full of mirrors and damn if Alex didn’t meet a mirror that she didn’t look fantastic in. 

“So, where are we going?”

“Some Mexican restaurant in SoHo.” She pulls out her phone. “Jeri sent me the address hold on. I think it’s on Houston.” 

“How-ston,” Kelley corrects her. Alex rolls her eyes. “So you want to take the subway? SoHo’s not too far from here-”

“I didn’t dress this nice to go in the smelly subway Kel,” Alex sneers. She can tell the forward meant it to be slightly sarcastic but it definitely didn’t come out that way.

“You’re such a diva, Morgan,” she jests as the elevator finally opens. “I guess we can take a cab.”

They walk through the lobby and Kelley quickly walks across the sidewalk onto the street slightly looking for an open taxi. It’s only a matter of seconds before she throws her hand up high with command and flags down a cab just like you see in the movies. The cab stops on the corner of 34th and 6th. She opens the door and lets Alex in first.

The defender scoots up by the glass where the driver is. “SoHo, off Houston and West Broadway,” the defender says shortly. “Take 5th down please.”

She relaxes back into the seat. It takes her a moment before she realizes the look Alex is giving her.

“What?” she questions, confused.

Alex smiles and her cheeks rose up a bit.

“Nothing,” Alex stutters slightly. “Just, you’re a New Yorker now. It’s a good look on you.” She smirks. 

Kelley blushes back. She smiles and then turns her attention to looking out the window. 

Twenty minutes later she pays the cab despite Alex’s protests and they walk into the restaurant. Alex’s phone rings. “It’s Jeri. Hold on.” 

“Yeah. Okay, no worries. We’ll be okay. See you in a bit.”

“They’re running late?” Kelley assumes.

“Yeah, she said to just wait at the bar. Shouldn’t be longer than 15 minutes hopefully.”

They go inside and sit at the bar. Kelley orders two shots of Patron. Peripherally she notices Alex's fingers jumping up and down on the bar. "Actually," she tells the bartender, "make them doubles."

“Kelley,” Alex remarks. 

“What? Just to calm the nerves.” 

The bartender brings them the shots. 

“Don’t worry Lex we won’t be wasted before your family gets here.” 

They bring the shots up to cheer. “To, um. To a fantastic night with la familia Morgan!” Kelley announces. Alex laughs and they swallow their tequila. As the liquor go down her throat she can feel the nerves she has calm. Alex orders them two beers. 

“Let’s take our time with these ok O’Hara?” Kelley nods and takes a small sip of her beer.

The bartender says something about Alex looking familiar. She surprisingly tells him they're both Olympians. Alex enjoys being recognized but lately she tries to keep soccer and her personal life separate. 

“Gold medalists,” Kelley adds, taking another sip. 

He offers to buy them the next round for being American heros but before Alex can say no Kelley agrees. The look Alex gives her makes her change her mind, well sort of.

“Something not so potent!” she tells him. “We can't be drunk before her family gets here.”

They finish their shots as Alex’s family walks in. “Starting the party without us?” her dad jokes.

“Only a little bit,” Kelley replies.

The first few minutes are more awkward than Kelley had hoped but by the time the waiter gets their orders and brings the table two bottles of wine the conversation gets a lot easier with each laugh exchanged.

“So Kelley,” Jeri begins, “How’s New York treating you? You hate it yet?”

Kelley shakes her wine like she’s seen other people do, even though she’s convinced it does absolutely nothing. “I love it. It was overwhelming at first and it was hard to find friends, but after I found my groove with my teammates it started to fall into place. Sure there have been days where I hate it, but overall? I see why people are arrogant about this city.”

“Now maybe you can get Alex to stop being a west coast girl.”

“Well if either you can make it stop being humid maybe I’ll consider it,” Alex chimes in.

The banter between the group continues until their entrees are served. Kelley almost drools when she sees the beautiful piece of steak in front of her. She starts cutting it into pieces first, like she’s always done. People make fun of her and tell her it’s childish but she doesn’t care. The only problem is Alex reaching over and to grab a piece. 

“Watch it, Morgan. Hands to yourself.” Kelley warns, feigning anger.

“Sharing is caring Kelley.”

“Not with steak. Maybe you should have ordered something better instead of fish.”

“I’m trying to be healthy, like Dawn wants us to, unlike your mashed potatoes. And rice. And tortillas.”

Before Kelley retorts with a line about her fantastic genetics her father interrupts.

“So Kelley, how’s Sky Blue going?”

Alex kicks her softly under the table, Kelley returning a toothy grin. 

“It’s going great, we weren’t ever picked to be at the top of the table, but as a team in general we’ve really synced. Personally for me, things haven’t gone so great with getting moved around so much, not just from game to game, but literally running around the entire field where I was told to go. And then my ankle, well.” she takes a large swig of her wine. “I bothered it again last week but I’m trying to power through it. It should be fine.” She ends with a larger than usual smile, like she’s really saying those words to convince herself more. 

“Can we talk about something other than soccer?” It’s almost as if Alex could read her mind. “Spurs or Heat?” she asks the group.

“Well, fuck LeBron,” her father says indignantly. 

“Agreed,” Kelley barely speaking coherently due to the food in her mouth. She feels a pinch on her thigh that make her pupils dilate. 

“Was that for talking with my mouth full or dissing LeBron?”

“You pick,” Alex says while she grabs another piece of steak off of Kelley’s plate.  
The night continues with more playful banter, another bottle of wine is ordered as they skip dessert. Although Kelley is disappointed in the group’s decision she agrees she’s probably had enough calories for the next few days. They all say their goodbyes as they head in opposite directions. Alex starts to motion for a cab when Kelley starts howling hysterically. 

“What?”

“You’re waving. You don’t wave for a cab.”

“Whatever,” Alex huffs.

“Why don’t we just walk?” She flaps her hands up and down. “It doesn’t feel like we’re inside a cloud for once.”

They start walking up sixth avenue. The wine is still pumping through their veins so the walk doesn’t seem too daunting, especially with how completely wrapped up they are in all the New York moments around them. That’s how it is for a full ten blocks before Alex starts complaining. 

“Look at these heels,” she slurs. “These were never actually meant for walking.” 

Kelley’s not paying attention though, she’s spotted a set of swings across the street. “I have an idea.” She grabs Alex by the hand and drags her across the street. She usually shows her intoxication more than Alex, but she figures with her eating her weight in carbs that tonight is an exception. As they walk into the small park Kelley kicks her heels off, falling slightly harder than she expected on one of the swings. Alex looks at her dumbfoundedly.

“Well, are you just gonna let me swing over here alone like an idiot?”

Alex starts snorting. “I don’t think there’s anything I can do to not make you look like one, Kel...”

The defender shakes her head and starts to swing herself higher. “I don’t care if I look like one, just come be one with meeee!”

The forward gives in finally, but chooses to swing with her heels on.

“Morgan, come on. Your precious feet won’t be destroyed. Besides, you’re probably gonna kill yourself if you try and swing in those. Or worse, kill me.”

Alex sighs loudly, kicks off her heels and starts rocking slowly. “Are we even allowed in here?”

“They would have locked the gate if we weren’t. Don’t worry Al.” Kelley focuses on swinging herself higher. “You know it’s more fun the higher you go right?”

“Kelley I’d rather not break this and die.”

But Kelley’s too busy dismounting off the swing. It’s not until she’s about two seconds from landing that she realizes she completely misjudged how far she was jumping and although she mostly lands on her feet, her center of gravity is completely in front of her and she tumbles into the rubber floor falling on her stomach. By the time she slowly rolls over to her back Alex is at her side.

“Are you okay?”

She’s pretty sure the reason she see’s two of Alex’s face is cause of the fall, but the wine is definitely not helping either. Alex leans over her grabbing her head, trying to get a good look at her. She can taste the wine on Alex’s breath. “Kelley?”

“Yeah. You know me.”

“Do you want to get up?”

“Star.”

“Kel. Are you sure you didn’t hit-”

“No, look!” Kelley points up. “It’s a star!” She grabs Alex’s arm pushing her to lay down next to her.

Alex takes a moment to figure out what her drunk, possibly concussed friend is looking at.

“I’ve been here since February and I’ve never seen one damn star, Alex. Can you believe th-”

“Kelley, it’s moving. It’s a plane or something.”

Kelley squints and notices it is indeed moving. “Well, shit.” She’s groans loudly. Perhaps she is drunker than she realized.

Alex reaches over and grabs her hand. “You gonna be okay?”

“Why do you like me?” Kelley is definitely drunker than she realized.

Alex immediately lets go of her hand. Her already flushed face from the alcohol turns redder. “I-um. Why do you wanna know?”

Kelley shrugs. “Cuz.” She looks up at the sky again. “I just don’t understand why. Like even besides the fact that I’ve been so shitty to you. Why would someone like you be into me?”

Alex rolls over to her side and starts laughing quietly. At least she thinks it’s quiet.

“Lex!” Kelley whines.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh.” She puts her hand back on top of Kelley’s and smiles softly. “It just seems ludicrous to me that you don’t see it.”

Kelley doesn’t dare look over. They stay in silence for a little bit. She can feel Alex's mind thinking. 

“Remember that time you kicked that drunk dude in the balls?” 

“You mean the ass who said you were overrated? And flat chested?”

“You told him to try again when he won a gold medal.”

“Damn right I did,” Kelley laughs, finally turning to look at Alex. Her eyes were so damn blue.

This time Alex looks upward. “You don’t care what anyone thinks about you. You have this.... huge personality, so filled with all these emotions that you can’t keep inside your tiny little frame. I’ve never seen a guy keel over in pain the way and he had at least six inches and fifty pounds on you. You treat your friends like your family and you treat your family like gold. I’ve never seen someone so unafraid of who they are.” She looks back at Kelley. “Don’t you remember how I used to be?”

“You mean boring? Anal?”

“I didn’t ask you to tell me, asshole.” She laughs, “I was starting to hate soccer when you, Tobin and I started being friends. It went from being my relief from stress to the cause of it all. And yeah Tobin doesn’t care what people think about her either. She’s chill but it’s different with you. You’re different. You just have this ability to light up a whole room and you don’t even realize it.”

She’s still looking at Kelley’s with those damn blue eyes.

“You’re almost always the brunt of the joke, and although you act like you don’t know any better, we both know that’s exactly where you want to be. You let people think they can oneup you. And I don’t mean that in a manipulative way. Besides like the obvious brainiacs on the team, honestly you’re one of the smartest ones, even if people don’t realize it.”

Kelley turns her body to the side, mirroring Alex. 

“You let people underestimate you, but not because you think you’re less worthy of it. But because to you it’s not important to be the better person. You like making other people feel good about themselves when most people couldn’t give a shit. Kel, you care for everyone’s happiness that crosses your path. And that makes you a beautiful person,” Alex says, look down to her lips. “Beautiful, inside and out.” She inches her head closer. 

Kelley licks her lips and starts to close her eyes when she feels a bright light on them.

“Hey there! No sleeping in the parks bums.” The deep voice says. Kelley sits up, still trying to get her eyes in focus in the brightness. 

“We’re not bums,” Alex says. She stumbles as she gets up.

“No,” the cop agrees, “You’re drunk.”

“Just a little bit, officer.” Kelley reasoned laughing awkwardly. “We were having a heart to heart under the stars.”

She can see the cop starting to get ticked. “I don’t see no stars. Now move it or I’ll move you.”

“Okay, okay!” Alex sighed, grabbing her heels, then Kelley’s hand walking them out of the park. She smiles as they pass the officer. “Sorry, officer!”

“Asshole.” Kelley mutters. "Ruining our moment." She feels a pinch for the second time that night.

“Get us a cab Miss New York.”

***

Between the cop and the crazed cab driver, the two of them sober up pretty quickly by the time they reach the hotel. 

They reach Alex’s room and as she goes to open her door when she stops and turns back around. “Abby is with her family,” she states boldly. “You know, if you want to come in.” She turns back and opens her door.

“Lex,” Kelley begins, a lot more sober than she wishes she was. “I had a great time tonight. I really did. But I want to do this the right way with you, okay?” 

Alex nods, swallowing the lump in her throat. Kelley turns away to let Alex close the door. But at the last second she turns and sticks her foot in between the door and the frame as the door slams into her foot. She tries to keep the pain from showing externally. “How about a coffee date? Tomorrow afternoon?” 

Alex laughs at seeing Kelley trying to power through her foot getting slammed. “Of course O’Hara. Can’t say no to you even if I wanted to.” She winks and slowly closes the door. 

Kelley walks slowly down to her room. What she’ll tell Christen she has no idea, but she better come up with something quick or that girl will squeeze every last detail out of her.

 

 

 

.


	10. Eyes For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing how much changes in less than two months. Two months ago both her and Alex weren't on the same page in their friendship, they weren't even in the same book.

At open practice the next day Kelley tries to avoid Christen as much as possible. She can see the glares she’s getting as they go through each drill. Thankfully when Kelley had gotten back to their room the night before Christen had already fallen asleep, the benefits of her horrible adjustment to the time change. She had tried to get it out of her in the morning but Kelley had managed to hold her off. Dinner went well and there was nothing more to it. Christen would get the details of the almost kiss out of her eventually.

Meanwhile on the other side of the pitch Sydney and Alex were deep in conversation. “Something’s different. You’re gigglier than usual.” Sydney had a sixth sense about these things that she made sure _everyone_ knew about.

“What do you mean?” Alex was going to act clueless about it for as long as possible. There was no way she was going to talk about this here.

“You know _exactly_ what I mean.”

The practice is kept short so they can spend time signing autographs but not for too long because Tom has arranged an early lunch back at the hotel. Alex is one of the first to sit down which she immediately regrets when she sees the terrible duo coming straight at her. Kristie and Syd take a seat on each side of her.

“You and Kelley. Details. Now.” Sydney orders.

“What? How-”

“We’ve known about this for months,” Kristie explains, a mischievous smile curling along her lips.

Sydney wraps her arm around Alex’s chair. “Just because I never said anything to you doesn’t mean I didn’t know, Lex. I figured as long as it was just a crush there was no point in confronting you about it.”

“But Kelley knows,” Mewis interrupts. “And she likes it, doesn’t she?”

They don’t bother letting Alex answer. “We just wanted to let you know that we approve.”

Alex finally gets a sentence in. “You guys should do a comedy skit, cause you guys are hilarious.” She takes a sip of her water. “You say you want details, but you won’t even let me speak.”

“You know Sydney,” Mewis begins. “She’s an excited puppy. Tell us what’s going on.”

“Kel came out to dinner with my family last night. We got a little wine drunk and on our way back we almost...” She looks around before delicately speaking again.. “Almost kissed.”

Kristie squeals.

“We got interrupted and then things got kinda awkward after that. She wants to go get coffee later. Thing is, just last week she told me that even though she did... _like_ me, she’s still dealing with her feelings for you know who. That she’s still a mess and doesn’t want to get me wrapped up that.”

“Well fuck that,” Sydney says.

Surprisingly, Kristie doesn’t look like she agrees with her bestie’s sentiments. “I dunno...Kelley might have a point. What if she’s not ready?”

Alex is about to respond but apparently the question wasn’t meant for her. “She’ll never know if she doesn’t try. She needs to get over her Hope feelings asap.”

“What if she ends up just hurting Alex in the process? They’re too good of friends to be able to go from being romantic to just friends again.”

Alex is sure they don’t even see her sitting there at this point.

“Mewie, you weren’t in London after we won. The thirst in Kelley’s drunk eyes was real. Hope’s abs just got in the way of it. But it’s clearly back now. I don’t see why it can’t happen.”

“But if-”

Alex finally interjects. “Can you two stop?” The girls look at each other trying to blame the other with their eyes. “There’s just so much to deal with besides our feelings for each other. What if the rest of the team finds out? What if Hope does? The rest of the world?”

“Who cares?” Sydney replies frankly. “Haven’t I taught you anything? You can’t please everyone, might as well please yourself and fuck everyone else. Besides, Hope of all people can’t have an opinion on who Kelley’s with, even she knows that.”

“As long as you’re careful and keep things realistic with her I think it’ll be okay,” Kristie reassures. She gives her bestie a nod and they both move out of their seats.

“Good talk, Morgan,” Sydney attempts to say seriously before Mewie starts laughing.

Alex pushes her slightly. “Go bother someone else now please.”

***

When Alex reaches the lobby later that afternoon she sees Kelley and a head of curls that can only be one person’s.

“Cheney? I didn’t know you were coming?” Alex hopes her annoyance isn’t coming through. She was looking forward to taking Syd and Kristies advice. They were right, fuck everyone.

“Jeez I’d expect at least one of you guys to be happy to see me. Didn’t you two just hang out last night?”

“Come on Cheney stop being dramatic,” Kelley jokes. “I can only take one diva at a time and we all know who wears that crown currently,” she says to nudging Alex in the ribs.

They walk to a nearby cafe, get their drinks and sit down. Despite trying to maintain normal conversation, it is visibly awkward between the three women. They try and keep the conversation about the upcoming wedding but they can only talk about that for so long until Lauren brings up the tension.

“What is up you two?” she asks.

“Nothing?” Kelley says unconvincingly.

Alex looks back and forth between the two of them unsure of what to say.

Lauren pipes up again. “You’d think I’m interrupting a date or something sheesh.”

The two girls opposite of the midfielder visibly stiffen up. Kelley looks like she might throw up.

“Wait...” If Lauren didn’t know before she definitely figured it out by now. Alex tries to say something but words don’t come out.

“I thought Sydney was just you know, being Sydney. But she’s actually right about something for once!” She puts her drink down so she can show her excitement with her hands. “You two are...uh...what are you two doing? And don’t you dare lie.”

Alex and Kelley look at each other desperately hoping the other will respond to Lauren’s questions first. Kelley moves her right hand slowly under the table barely touching Alex’s. Even that small amount of contact gives her the strength to be honest with Lauren.

“We um...are trying to figure that out.” Kelley finally responds.

“What is there to figure out?” Lauren asks blankly.

“Well I’m still dealing with Hope, and she just broke up with Serv an-”

“So?”

Kelley scoffs, softly muttering something about Lauren not being serious.

"You're both single right?"

They both nod.

"And you both have feelings for each other?”

They nod again.

“I know you've been in a relationship for the better part of the last decade, Alex, but this is what we call dating these days. You don't need to define anything. You are both consenting adults. There's so much sadness in this world if you guys even have the slightest opportunity to be happy with each other and you don't want to take it because you're scared of things not working or because of what other people will think...”

Lauren starts to put her hair up in a bun as she tries to figure out what to say next.

“It would just be sad, because you both deserve to be happy. You never know what can happen.”

Kelley looks at Alex with a soft, delicate smile. The forward grabs her hand and squeezes gently. Words aren’t necessary really, they both understand where they’re going now.

\---

“Holy shit,” Kelley screams from the sideline as Abby scores her fourth goal, breaking the record of most goals scored. She looks over to Sydney, “We’re getting her wasted tonight.”

“Definitely.”

Unsurprisingly, it takes the entire team to get Abby out with them later that night. “Just a few drinks Mary Abigail,” Alex insists. “You’ll be back before bedtime.”

“What is it, 9 PM these days?” Sydney adds.

“I’m not a grandma, asshole.” Abby reprimands.

“Oh yea?” This is the kind of challenge where Sydney shines. “Prove it.”

They end up in some bar in Chelsea. Their efforts to get Abby drunk is not as successful as they had hoped. But they had succeeded in getting themselves pretty inebriated. “That’s what really matters.” Sydney told Alex. “We got a few drinks in her at least.” Even though Abby was a tank her face always got bright red after just a few drinks. She and Sarah were sitting at a table in deep conversation, it was obvious they were going to make a move to leave soon.

Meanwhile Kelley was on the other side of the bar busy arguing with some guy about Stanford sports. Alex could see the Irish feistiness starting to show. She was like a tea kettle, huffing and puffing, the tips of her ears getting red with fury. She walks over to try and get Kelley out of it before something terrible happened to him.

“Alex! You went to Berkeley but you recognize which California college is superior right?” The guy looks at her waiting for her to say something in defense of her Bears.

"Really Kelley, the one person you choose to argue with about college sports in this bar has to be from my school?" She puts her arm around Kelley’s neck, mouths an apology to her fellow Bear, and starts walking her over to where the rest of the girls are.

"Come on Lex, it was just all in fun. But we all know which school is better."

Alex sees right through what Kelley’s doing. "If I buy you a drink will you shut up about this for the rest of the night?"

Kelley puts a hand up to her mouth, pretending to zip it shut.

One drink turns into three, and three turns into five. Most of the team is gone by then, only the twenty-somethings are there really. And Carli for some reason. Kelley wonders briefly if Hope is nearby but Sydney grabs her and pulls her onto the dance floor the moment the DJ starts playing Rihanna. She's dancing with Sydney, Mewie, and Alex and conveniently the two idiots manage to leave her and Alex alone. They're both far drunk to care at this point, they're dancing inches away from each other. It’s Chelsea after all, women dancing on each other is more than normal. Her hands are on Alex's hips and the forward’s around her neck. She hasn't felt this alive in what feels like years. The bass line pulsing through her veins and the way the forward looks at her like there’s no one else in the bar that matters feels like the heroin. Alex whispers in her ear to head outside for a moment and grabs her by the hand pulling them away from the music.

They head upstairs onto the roof, which has a breathtaking view of New York’s skyline. They weren't the only ones upstairs, there were a few couples on the rooftop, and someone, it sounded like they were arguing on the phone. The voice sounded familiar but before Alex could pin it Kelley started to drag her to a railing to take in the view. Even in the dark Kelley notices Alex's eyes pierce through the night. Why look at the city in front of them when she can just stare at her instead.

“Since I’ve been here I’ve been on a lot of rooftops and each time the feeling I get is indescribable. Looking out at all these buildings, knowing that all these other people exist-- it always makes me feel so little--so insignificant.” She lifts her hand from her side and brings it on top of Alex’s. “Being up here with you, with the way you’ve been looking at me tonight, I’ve never felt more significant. You look at me that way, and I feel like I’m enough.”

Alex shifts her body slightly, bringing Kelley’s hand from her the railing to her hip. Before Kelley can registers what her body is doing she finds her hips parallel to Alex’s. The forward brushes her hand on Kelley's face, moving a piece of hair behind her ear. She leaves her hand there, rubbing her thumb over Kelley’s cheek. "I really want this Kelley.”

Kelley grabs the hand on her face and moves it to her side so she can get closer. She’s thankful Alex chose to wear flats tonight so she can easily bring her face to hers. She’s managed to get her lips so close to Alex’s she isn’t quite sure how they haven’t managed to touch yet. "I want this too, Lex," she says, each movement of her lips brushing on Alex's slightly.

Alex can’t stand it anymore, finally closing the gap between them. She can taste the whiskey immediately on her mouth, contrasting the tenderness of the kiss. She’s dreamt of this moment a thousand times at least, but none of her dreams ever felt this amazing. The kiss lasts what seems like hours before the finally.

"Wow," Kelley gasps.

Alex's eyes are still closed, she doesn't want to touch down to reality. She nods slowly as she finally opens her eyes and that's when she realizes reality is better, because Kelley is there, in front of her, in every way that she's wanted for so long.

The wind keeps on blowing Kelley's hair into her face that Kelley finally has to put it up. She's always loved the way she does it. How she always has to bend over and flip her hair all the way back. It doesn't matter if she's in the middle of playing a game or in the middle of having this moment. Just thinking about how no one had ever caught the way she stared at the defender when she did this ritual makes her laugh.

"What?" Kelley asks.

"Nothing, it's just your- everything. Everything about you is so endearing."

Kelley's about to respond when Alex's phone starts ringing.

"It's Syd."

"ALLEEEXXX!" Kelley can clearly hear Sydney's slur on the other end of the line that's definitely not on speaker.

"Where are you?" The forward asks.

"Where are YOUUUU?"

Kelley decides to interrupt their thrilling conversation. "Let's just go downstairs and find her."

When they get downstairs HAO is trying to grab both Mewie and Sydney with each arm and motion them toward the door. Kelley quickly runs over to help. "HAO, we're fine let us be!" Kristie moans.

"Oh thank god, I thought everyone else left. Which drunk do you prefer?"

Kelley grabs Kristie by the arm. "Figures," Heather huffs.

"What the hell happened? They were both alright like ten minutes ago."

"What always happens. Tequila happened."

Sydney is still slumping alongside Heather until she spots Alex and finds a new burst of energy. "LEXXX. Thank. God. HAO is trying to stop us but it's not even 3am yet. Come on go grab us some more drinks."

After the glare Heather gives her, Alex decides knows which side she’s on. "I'm gonna have to agree with HAO, time to go home."

Back at the hotel after they get LeMew into bed and say goodnight to HAO, it's just the two of them alone, finally. They're sober enough at the point, from alcohol at least. Alex is definitely still high from their moment on the roof.

"So I meet up with the rest of the Thorns tomorrow. I guess I'll see you after the game then?"

Even though she's kept in constant contact with her club the past two weeks, Kelley had completely forgotten that being on Alex's team wasn't the norm anymore. "Yeah," she replies softly. Just the thought of that made her heart sink. She slides her back down the wall as she goes to sit on the hotel floor. "Fuck. You live in Portland."

Alex joins her on the floor. "I forgot about that too momentarily." Kelley's hand is on hers, squeezing slightly.

"This blows. When do you go back?"

"Sunday."

"I guess we'll just have to...figure it along the way huh?" Kelley shrugs.

"I guess so. But we should probably head to bed too huh?"

Kelley turns to look at Alex. She starts to nod when her eyes zone into to her lips once more. This time she's the one who initiates the kiss. Soft and sweet though, like a goodnight kiss should always be.

"Good night, Alex."

***  
It's amazing how much changes in less than two months. Two months ago both her and Alex weren't on the same page in their friendship, they weren't even in the same book. Even when it came to soccer Sky Blue had dominated Portland. This time they both played poorly ending up in a scoreless tie. And although she wasn't exactly sure what book they were in, or what the plot even was, she and Alex were going through every bit of it together. Plus Alex is a lot nicer when she hasn't lost in front of over ten thousand people.

Despite the tie, Kelley was on a bit of an endorphin high after the match. That's the only reason she could come up with to explain why she asked Alex to stay with her in Brooklyn tonight. But by the time they had finally trekked over it was well past midnight, and they were both too tired to do anything other than sleep.

Kelley wakes up to a truck’s horn blasting from the street. Despite how annoying it is when she realizes the woman sleeping beside her, her mood instantly lifts. This is nowhere near the first time they’ve slept in the same bed together but it just feels different. Alex always sleeps on her side and she’s curled up inside Kelley’s blanket so sweetly she can’t help but move closer and wrap her body around her. She notices the clock on the bedpost and see’s that it’s almost 10 AM. Ten in the morning, the same time Alex’s flight was.

“Lex,” she whispers softly into her ear. There’s really no point in alarming her, the plane is already well on it’s way to the west coast. Besides, now this means the two of them get more time together.

***  
Kelley treats Alex to a nice breakfast at a patisserie near Prospect Park. They spend the rest of the morning walking throughout the park, walking past mothers with their children every now and then taking a seat at bench just enjoying each other’s company. They end up by the Prospect Park Zoo, something Kelley has been wanting to do since she’d got here. She was excited to see the pandas but it turns out she had misheard--they had red pandas only. “They’re cuter though,” Alex convinced Kelley, and after seeing two of the small ones fight over a branch she was sure the forward was right.

Alex adored how Kelley completely let go in front of all the adorable animals. There really wasn’t much of a difference between the reactions the children at the zoo where having and the tiny defender’s. With each ‘come here!’ or ‘did you know that...’ and gasps and awes--how cute she was intensely reading every piece of information the zoo had on the animals that interested her, she felt even more enamored.

“Did you know that peacocks with the cool feathers are only male?”

“It makes sense you know, considering what the last part of their name is,” Alex giggled.

“Females are called peahens.” She puts her hands on her hips and huffs. “Amazing.”

It’s past one pm already and Alex’s stomach starts to grumble. “Come on Kel, let’s get something to eat,” she remarks trying to pull Kelley away from the exhibit. “In a minute,” Kelley insists, still having a few more slides to read on the flamboyant birds.

Alex isn’t a patient person though and she knows exactly what will get Kelley going. She tugs Kelley forcing her to turn into the forward and kisses her strongly. She realizes they’re in public and she’s never done this with a girl so maybe she should stop, but it feels right so she keeps her lips on Kelley’s just a bit longer.

“So, can we get food now?”

They end up back at Kelley’s apartment and she insists on cooking instead of ordering. Alex knows Kelley is fully aware of how inept she is in the kitchen, but something about them being there in the kitchen together makes her wish she knew more than just how to boil water. She quickly puts that thought behind her after she sees the way Kelley clinically cuts tomatoes. “I can feel you staring at me Lex, what, is this turning you on?” She starts waving the knife around attempting to bask in culinary greatness but instead drops the knife and it tumbles to the floor barely missing Kelley’s foot by a few inches.

“Oh yeah hot stuff, real sexy.” Alex jabs once she can finally find enough air in her lungs to speak from laughing so hard.

“Whatever, Morgan, don’t you have water to boil? The pasta isn’t gonna cook itself.”

Thirty minutes later once they’re all done eating Alex insists on taking care of the dishes. Kelley can’t stand it though, she’s always hated Alex’s method. “I just don’t get it. Why do you have to fill up the entire sink with water. That’s what the faucet is for. We don’t live along a river.”

“This is how my mom taught me, okay? Just go watch tv or something and let me finish.”

Kelley instead decides to splash a bit of the water on Alex, which was a terrible choice according to the forward, and soon they both have soapy water all over themselves, laughing hysterically at the mess they’ve made.

“My roommates are going to kill me if they see this,” Kelley laments.

“Whatever,” Alex responds as she picks Kelley up and forces her to sit on the wet counter. “We’ll clean it up.” Kelley squeals slightly as she feels her ass getting wet but Alex knows exactly what’ll get her to shut up.

After they finally break away Kelley notices the soap bubbles all over Alex’s neck where she had grabbed hold of and starts chuckling slightly.

“It’s amazing how easy this is,” Kelley begins. “If I had known how amazing it would be to kiss you I would have done it a lot sooner.”

Alex feels like her mouth might rip open because of how wide her smile is. Until she realizes how little time they have left together. “I just wish we had more time together to do this.”

“I know, Lex. I know we don’t have the time right now, but we’ll have plenty of time to do this,” she kisses her quickly, “soon enough okay?”

That afternoon Kelley drops Alex off at the airport for the first time. They had kept to light conversation the forty minute drive there, trying to forget that they really had no idea the next they’d get a chance to be together again. As they approach the terminal Kelley finally manages to say what she’s been rehearsing in her head the entire ride over.

She reaches over the gear shift and puts a hand on Alex’s thigh. “Things are gonna work out Lex, you know that right?”

“I know,” Alex responds softly trying to smile. The car behind them honks at them to get moving, which angers Kelley momentarily until she feels Alex’s lips on hers suddenly and she mentally tells the car behind them to go fuck themselves-she’s not ending this kiss anytime soon. She starts to deepen the kiss a little but Alex starts to move away.

“I have to go. I’ll call you when I get to Portland okay?” She can tell Alex is trying to put forth her best tough guy act. Any other day she’d let her know she sees right through it but for now she’ll let Alex have her moment, kissing her once last time before Alex gets out of the car and walks into the airport, leaving Kelley with a heart full and certain that what they have is worth the thousands of miles they’ll have between them.


End file.
